| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| September 2003 |
SEPTEMBER 1, 2003 - BROSSARD
THE WORKMAN'S COMPENSATION TROPHY
THE WORKMAN'S COMPENSATION TROPHY
HALE E. NORMAN
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
45-44--- 89
47-45--- 92
47-50--- 97
48-50--- 98
47-45--- 92
47-50--- 97
48-50--- 98
The LGA's Labour Day Tradition continued as a small but distinguished field battled for the Workman's Compensation Trophy at
Brossard. Hale Erwin Norman broke 90 for the fourth time this season, a performance which featured seven pars, to take the
title from defending champion Costa Doinbiznis. Norman appeared destined for a round in the mid-eighties until hole number
17 when he fired a nine. It was Norman's second straight victory and 13th of the season in 22 tries, numbers similar to those he
put up while he dominated the LGA for a decade. Taking second place was Norman's long time rival Dr. Mario Blondin. The
doctor had a pretty good day by his standards as well, nothing spectacular, but nothing worse than double-bogey either with the
exception of a nine on the par-5 3rd. Another decent day was also had by top rightie Costa Doinbiznis, although it sure didn't
start out that way. After needing five shots to exit the bunker on one, a move which led to a barf-inducing 10, 'The Biz' rallied back
to score a front-nine 47, and would take third place from perennial lefty loser P.P. Hornsby by a single shot. And actually, it was a
pretty good day all around, as Hornsby, despite landing in the cellar, managed to break 100 with a par on the beer hole 18th,
sharing the beer hole victory with Dr. Blondin. In fact, and unbelieveably if you think about it, it was first time ever that an LGA
foursome all scored in double-digits. It only took 11 years. Don't let this surprising development fool you, though. The LGA's
slogan, "These guys are crap", should continue to ring true for quite some time.
Brossard. Hale Erwin Norman broke 90 for the fourth time this season, a performance which featured seven pars, to take the
title from defending champion Costa Doinbiznis. Norman appeared destined for a round in the mid-eighties until hole number
17 when he fired a nine. It was Norman's second straight victory and 13th of the season in 22 tries, numbers similar to those he
put up while he dominated the LGA for a decade. Taking second place was Norman's long time rival Dr. Mario Blondin. The
doctor had a pretty good day by his standards as well, nothing spectacular, but nothing worse than double-bogey either with the
exception of a nine on the par-5 3rd. Another decent day was also had by top rightie Costa Doinbiznis, although it sure didn't
start out that way. After needing five shots to exit the bunker on one, a move which led to a barf-inducing 10, 'The Biz' rallied back
to score a front-nine 47, and would take third place from perennial lefty loser P.P. Hornsby by a single shot. And actually, it was a
pretty good day all around, as Hornsby, despite landing in the cellar, managed to break 100 with a par on the beer hole 18th,
sharing the beer hole victory with Dr. Blondin. In fact, and unbelieveably if you think about it, it was first time ever that an LGA
foursome all scored in double-digits. It only took 11 years. Don't let this surprising development fool you, though. The LGA's
slogan, "These guys are crap", should continue to ring true for quite some time.
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SEPTEMBER 6, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
51-51--- 102
47-58--- 105
53-53--- 106
53-60--- 113
47-58--- 105
53-53--- 106
53-60--- 113
The LGA returned to the Cog for the first time since the battle for the coveted Yellow Jacket. P.P. Hornsby, carding a season low
30 putts and his eighth birdie of the season on the par-5 5th, rallied from a four-shot deficit to take his third event of the season
by three over Dr. Mario Blondin. In what seems to be a recently developed disease in the LGA, Hornsby took the win without
scoring any pars, proving once again just how crappy the LGA can be. Second-place Blondin had the best nine of the day with a
47 on the front, a feat which included a six-putt eight (heave!!!) on the par-3 6th, one putt short of the record for most putts on one
hole, held by Blondin and Pietro Lewinsky. Blondin started the day with two straight pars, but his vomit-splattering 9 on 16
completed the choke. Finishing third was Hale Erwin Norman, also failing to score any pars on this not-so-windy day when the
greens were, let's face it, not so fast. Norman would wind up with a 106, his worst score of 2003, but more than good enough for
a lefty 1-2-3 finish, as Costa Doinbiznis, on the strength (or should I say weakness) of his worst putting performance of the
season (41 putts), and his pukefying 10 on the par-4 12th, fired a 113. 'The Biz' needed 24 shots to complete the first three
holes, but did score a two-putt birdie on five after reaching the par-5 in two shots. After witnessing everyone scoring in
double-digits last Monday at the Workman's Compensation Trophy, some thought that the LGA was finally going places, and
that we would finally get to see some quality golf, but no one would break 100 today, proving how wrong and optimistic lefties
can be. "A win's a win", Hornsby explained to reporters after the round.
30 putts and his eighth birdie of the season on the par-5 5th, rallied from a four-shot deficit to take his third event of the season
by three over Dr. Mario Blondin. In what seems to be a recently developed disease in the LGA, Hornsby took the win without
scoring any pars, proving once again just how crappy the LGA can be. Second-place Blondin had the best nine of the day with a
47 on the front, a feat which included a six-putt eight (heave!!!) on the par-3 6th, one putt short of the record for most putts on one
hole, held by Blondin and Pietro Lewinsky. Blondin started the day with two straight pars, but his vomit-splattering 9 on 16
completed the choke. Finishing third was Hale Erwin Norman, also failing to score any pars on this not-so-windy day when the
greens were, let's face it, not so fast. Norman would wind up with a 106, his worst score of 2003, but more than good enough for
a lefty 1-2-3 finish, as Costa Doinbiznis, on the strength (or should I say weakness) of his worst putting performance of the
season (41 putts), and his pukefying 10 on the par-4 12th, fired a 113. 'The Biz' needed 24 shots to complete the first three
holes, but did score a two-putt birdie on five after reaching the par-5 in two shots. After witnessing everyone scoring in
double-digits last Monday at the Workman's Compensation Trophy, some thought that the LGA was finally going places, and
that we would finally get to see some quality golf, but no one would break 100 today, proving how wrong and optimistic lefties
can be. "A win's a win", Hornsby explained to reporters after the round.
SEPTEMBER 13, 2003 - LAFLEUR
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
P.P. HORNSBY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
P.P. HORNSBY
49-47--- 96
49-50--- 99
54-52--- 106
49-50--- 99
54-52--- 106
As seems to have become the rule lately, another barely minimum field of three teed it off at Lafleur for a Saturday event and
pre-Olympic tune-up. Dr. Mario Blondin scored six pars for the day and no worse than triple-bogey (the latter being hardly an
accomplishment) to return to double-digits and take his fifth win of the season. Blondin was three shots better than runner up
Fred Cupholders. "Fairway Freddie", as mockers like to call him, was tied with Blondin through 17, and after a good drive on 18
and a five minute wait, proceeded to hack twice and throw his 3-wood at his bag, breaking it in half, he then picked up each pice
and heaved over the trees to the neighbouring golf course. LGA president Paul Hornsby called the episode "the finest
entertainment the LGA has produced all season". Fred still managed to break 100. Not managing to break 100 was cellar
dweller P.P. Hornsby (no relation). Coming off a rare victory in his last appearance, Hornsby needed a pukey 21 shots to
complete the first three holes, and then, despite six greens in regulation, could muster only two pars. His 11 on the par-5 18th
completed the barf stew. When asked about his tantrum after the event, Cupholders explained it was all part of his master plan
to buy more victories in the LGA. "I'll replace it with a very expensive one.", smiled Freddie. It remains to be seen if the LGA will
institute disciplinary action for his Costa Doinbiznis-like display of anger.
pre-Olympic tune-up. Dr. Mario Blondin scored six pars for the day and no worse than triple-bogey (the latter being hardly an
accomplishment) to return to double-digits and take his fifth win of the season. Blondin was three shots better than runner up
Fred Cupholders. "Fairway Freddie", as mockers like to call him, was tied with Blondin through 17, and after a good drive on 18
and a five minute wait, proceeded to hack twice and throw his 3-wood at his bag, breaking it in half, he then picked up each pice
and heaved over the trees to the neighbouring golf course. LGA president Paul Hornsby called the episode "the finest
entertainment the LGA has produced all season". Fred still managed to break 100. Not managing to break 100 was cellar
dweller P.P. Hornsby (no relation). Coming off a rare victory in his last appearance, Hornsby needed a pukey 21 shots to
complete the first three holes, and then, despite six greens in regulation, could muster only two pars. His 11 on the par-5 18th
completed the barf stew. When asked about his tantrum after the event, Cupholders explained it was all part of his master plan
to buy more victories in the LGA. "I'll replace it with a very expensive one.", smiled Freddie. It remains to be seen if the LGA will
institute disciplinary action for his Costa Doinbiznis-like display of anger.
SEPTEMBER 14, 2003 - MEADOWBROOK
THE EIGHTH LEFTY OLYMPICS OF GOLF
THE EIGHTH LEFTY OLYMPICS OF GOLF
HALE E. NORMAN (Germany) GOLD
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS (Cuba) SILVER
P.P. HORNSBY (England) BRONZE
CHRIS 9-IRON KID (Greece)
*DONALD KRAFTDINNER (New Zealand)
*PIETRO LEWINSKY (Italy)
*CAT WOMAN
*MIKE GONZALEZ (Mexico)
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS (Cuba) SILVER
P.P. HORNSBY (England) BRONZE
CHRIS 9-IRON KID (Greece)
*DONALD KRAFTDINNER (New Zealand)
*PIETRO LEWINSKY (Italy)
*CAT WOMAN
*MIKE GONZALEZ (Mexico)
41-49--- 90
42-51--- 93
46-49--- 95
50-48--- 98
56-53--- 109
55-55--- 110
88-76--- 164
52-WD
42-51--- 93
46-49--- 95
50-48--- 98
56-53--- 109
55-55--- 110
88-76--- 164
52-WD
The Lefty Olympics of Golf, the LGA's oldest major and largest event of every golf season, saw its smallest turn out since 1998,
witnessing a scheduled field of 16 nations dwindle to a mere eight teeing it off at Meadowbrook in the annual battle for the gold,
silver and bronze. Hale Erwin Norman fired a front-nine 41, which featured his 9th birdie of the campaign, but blew the golden
opportunity for another sub-90 round with a disappointing triple-bogey - double-bogey finish. Nevertheless, Norman's 90 was
good enough to take his fourth career gold medal and first since the aforesaid '98 edition by three over top rightie Costa
Doinbiznis, possibly causing celebration in his native Germany. Hale's failure to score par on the back nine caused concern for
Norman, as his last glance at the leaderboard had him leading by only 3 through 16, but Doinbiznis, after a solid front-nine 42
which also included a birdie, albeit of the two-putt variety on the par-5 5th, also finished his round with triple-bogey then
double-bogey, giving Norman the championship. The Cuban representative's silver medal performance turned out to be his best
ever at a Lefty Golfers Association major by far, having built a deserved reputation as a choker at the big ones (see 2003 Lefty
Masters, 2003 Lefty Classic, etc.) Taking his second lifetime bronze was England's P.P. Hornsby, although it had to be a
disappointment.
Hornsby, entering the par-3 16th playing bogey ball for the day, also finished quite horribly with three consecutive triple-bogeys,
costing him a run at his career best (92). P.P. also scored a birdie on the par-5 5th to keep pace with Norman for the season
lead. Finishing fourth was Chris The 9-Iron Kid with a respectable 98. In a move of unprecented clemency by the Greek
goverment, 9-Iron was reinstated as their official representative after being stripped of his country in '99. It was Chris' first
participation in the Olympics since his legendary 1998 appearance when his opponents got him drunk on the back nine,
causing 9-Iron to stop counting and to recite poetry to the ditch on 18. Eleven shots back in fifth place was New Zealand's
Donald Kraftdinner. It was once of his better showings in several Lefty Olympics, although he was accused of 'improving' his lie
on several occasions. The LGA is investigating the matter. Once again a big story was LGA regular Pietro Lewinsky,
representing Italy, who improved his lifetime best at a second straight major, this time by a whopping six shots. Lewinsky's 110
required only 33 putts, and Pietro did not have a single hole in double-digits, a feat nobody remembers him having
accomplished before (because he never had). Next on the list of merit was Cat Woman. The only female at this year's Olympics
also managed a career low, as well as her first victory over any opponent in an LGA event. Both feats do require commentary,
however, as her best now sits at 164 (ouch), and her victory was over eighth-place Mike Gonzalez of Mexico, who withdrew after a
front-nine 52. Prominant among the no-shows were 2002 gold medalist Dr. Mario Blondin, who had to watch his kids (even
though he has no children), 2002 silver medalist and 2003 Masters champion Fred Cupholders (claiming to have the flu), and
perennial favourite Big Marjk (noon tee time too early). The lack of interest has caused rumours within the administration that the
LGA may not return in 2004, going the way of the Montreal Grand Prix and probably the Expos.
witnessing a scheduled field of 16 nations dwindle to a mere eight teeing it off at Meadowbrook in the annual battle for the gold,
silver and bronze. Hale Erwin Norman fired a front-nine 41, which featured his 9th birdie of the campaign, but blew the golden
opportunity for another sub-90 round with a disappointing triple-bogey - double-bogey finish. Nevertheless, Norman's 90 was
good enough to take his fourth career gold medal and first since the aforesaid '98 edition by three over top rightie Costa
Doinbiznis, possibly causing celebration in his native Germany. Hale's failure to score par on the back nine caused concern for
Norman, as his last glance at the leaderboard had him leading by only 3 through 16, but Doinbiznis, after a solid front-nine 42
which also included a birdie, albeit of the two-putt variety on the par-5 5th, also finished his round with triple-bogey then
double-bogey, giving Norman the championship. The Cuban representative's silver medal performance turned out to be his best
ever at a Lefty Golfers Association major by far, having built a deserved reputation as a choker at the big ones (see 2003 Lefty
Masters, 2003 Lefty Classic, etc.) Taking his second lifetime bronze was England's P.P. Hornsby, although it had to be a
disappointment.
Hornsby, entering the par-3 16th playing bogey ball for the day, also finished quite horribly with three consecutive triple-bogeys,
costing him a run at his career best (92). P.P. also scored a birdie on the par-5 5th to keep pace with Norman for the season
lead. Finishing fourth was Chris The 9-Iron Kid with a respectable 98. In a move of unprecented clemency by the Greek
goverment, 9-Iron was reinstated as their official representative after being stripped of his country in '99. It was Chris' first
participation in the Olympics since his legendary 1998 appearance when his opponents got him drunk on the back nine,
causing 9-Iron to stop counting and to recite poetry to the ditch on 18. Eleven shots back in fifth place was New Zealand's
Donald Kraftdinner. It was once of his better showings in several Lefty Olympics, although he was accused of 'improving' his lie
on several occasions. The LGA is investigating the matter. Once again a big story was LGA regular Pietro Lewinsky,
representing Italy, who improved his lifetime best at a second straight major, this time by a whopping six shots. Lewinsky's 110
required only 33 putts, and Pietro did not have a single hole in double-digits, a feat nobody remembers him having
accomplished before (because he never had). Next on the list of merit was Cat Woman. The only female at this year's Olympics
also managed a career low, as well as her first victory over any opponent in an LGA event. Both feats do require commentary,
however, as her best now sits at 164 (ouch), and her victory was over eighth-place Mike Gonzalez of Mexico, who withdrew after a
front-nine 52. Prominant among the no-shows were 2002 gold medalist Dr. Mario Blondin, who had to watch his kids (even
though he has no children), 2002 silver medalist and 2003 Masters champion Fred Cupholders (claiming to have the flu), and
perennial favourite Big Marjk (noon tee time too early). The lack of interest has caused rumours within the administration that the
LGA may not return in 2004, going the way of the Montreal Grand Prix and probably the Expos.
SEPTEMBER 18, 2003 - DORVAL (GENTILLY COURSE)
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
P.P. HORNSBY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
43-49--- 92
55-47--- 102
49-55--- 104
55-47--- 102
49-55--- 104
The Gentilly course at Dorval hosted its first LGA event in over five years with a Thursday special. Unfortunately, the course failed
to impress the small weekday field, particularly with respect to its aerated greens. The layout especially failed in impressing Dr.
Mario Blondin, who gave a good run at a sub-90 round with a front nine 43, but had to settle for a 92 after a vomit-spewing 10 on
the par-5 14th. It was Blondin's second win in as many appearances against identical competition, and sixth of the season,
moving him one ahead of top rightie Fred Cupholders but still way behind player-of-the-year to be Hale Erwin Norman. Blondin
pulled away, winning by 10 over second place P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby, in his first event since his bronze medal performance at
the Lefty Olympics, started badly with a front nine 55, which included a comical 7 on the par-4 8th during which he hit four
provisional balls into the same bush, trying to cut the dogleg after a sliced drive (fortunately, he found his first ball preventing
almost certain self-injury), but came in with a respectable 47, leaving him just short of breaking 100 for a second consecutive
round. Top righthander and last place finisher (only in the LGA can a golfer be first and last in the same event) was Fred
Cupholders, who despite a birdie on the par-3 8th, posted another mediocre round. Fred's 104 featured no pars, a feat attributed
mostly to his lousy tee shots, although his short irons were not much better. Cupholders attained the lofty post of top rightie on
the strength of the last minute cancellation by Costa Doinbiznis, raising the number of said cancellations to six this month. It is
believed that 'The Biz' would not have been able to top Cupholders on this day anyway, seeing as to how he could not get out of
bed.
to impress the small weekday field, particularly with respect to its aerated greens. The layout especially failed in impressing Dr.
Mario Blondin, who gave a good run at a sub-90 round with a front nine 43, but had to settle for a 92 after a vomit-spewing 10 on
the par-5 14th. It was Blondin's second win in as many appearances against identical competition, and sixth of the season,
moving him one ahead of top rightie Fred Cupholders but still way behind player-of-the-year to be Hale Erwin Norman. Blondin
pulled away, winning by 10 over second place P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby, in his first event since his bronze medal performance at
the Lefty Olympics, started badly with a front nine 55, which included a comical 7 on the par-4 8th during which he hit four
provisional balls into the same bush, trying to cut the dogleg after a sliced drive (fortunately, he found his first ball preventing
almost certain self-injury), but came in with a respectable 47, leaving him just short of breaking 100 for a second consecutive
round. Top righthander and last place finisher (only in the LGA can a golfer be first and last in the same event) was Fred
Cupholders, who despite a birdie on the par-3 8th, posted another mediocre round. Fred's 104 featured no pars, a feat attributed
mostly to his lousy tee shots, although his short irons were not much better. Cupholders attained the lofty post of top rightie on
the strength of the last minute cancellation by Costa Doinbiznis, raising the number of said cancellations to six this month. It is
believed that 'The Biz' would not have been able to top Cupholders on this day anyway, seeing as to how he could not get out of
bed.
SEPTEMBER 27, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
P.P. HORNSBY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
43-46--- 89
45-50--- 95
48-49--- 97
52-54--- 106
45-50--- 95
48-49--- 97
52-54--- 106
After a weekend during which last minute cancellations reduced available golfers to two, in effect rendering the staging of an
'official' LGA event impossible, our heroes returned to action at the Cog. Hale Erwin Norman took advantage of a sharp
front-nine 43, despite howling crosswinds, breaking 90 for the second time this September en route to his 15th win of the
season. Norman needed only 31 putts to complete the 18 holes, an important fact considering that his drives generally sucked
all day long. With the 89, Hale becomes the first golfer ever to see his official LGA handicap drop below 20 (19.9). Norman
headed to the clubhouse six shots better than second place P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby, who unlike Norman putted 39 times
(heave!), otherwise had a pretty good day in his own right. His spectacular birdie on the island hole sixth (where he played the
wind impeccably) upped his season total for birdies to 10, tying the all-time LGA mark set by Dr. Mario Blondin in 2002. It also
means that P.P. has scored more birdies this season than he has during his entire rancid-smelling career (spanning 12
seasons). His 95 followed another 95 the previous Sunday, in an unofficial round that, unfortunately for Hornsby, didn't count.
Also returning to double-digits (and in the process spoiling another lefty 1-2-3 finish) was Freddie Cupholders. Fred displayed a
much improved driver when compared to previous weeks, explaining his result. It was Cupholders' best result since winning the
coveted Yellow Jacket last month, although this time in very windy conditions. A rare last place ranking went to Chris The 9-Iron
Kid, who played a generally steady round, with the exception of a couple of bad holes. 9-Iron was particularly appalling on 16,
where he hacked his way to a nine, which doesn't seem so bad, unless you watched.
'official' LGA event impossible, our heroes returned to action at the Cog. Hale Erwin Norman took advantage of a sharp
front-nine 43, despite howling crosswinds, breaking 90 for the second time this September en route to his 15th win of the
season. Norman needed only 31 putts to complete the 18 holes, an important fact considering that his drives generally sucked
all day long. With the 89, Hale becomes the first golfer ever to see his official LGA handicap drop below 20 (19.9). Norman
headed to the clubhouse six shots better than second place P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby, who unlike Norman putted 39 times
(heave!), otherwise had a pretty good day in his own right. His spectacular birdie on the island hole sixth (where he played the
wind impeccably) upped his season total for birdies to 10, tying the all-time LGA mark set by Dr. Mario Blondin in 2002. It also
means that P.P. has scored more birdies this season than he has during his entire rancid-smelling career (spanning 12
seasons). His 95 followed another 95 the previous Sunday, in an unofficial round that, unfortunately for Hornsby, didn't count.
Also returning to double-digits (and in the process spoiling another lefty 1-2-3 finish) was Freddie Cupholders. Fred displayed a
much improved driver when compared to previous weeks, explaining his result. It was Cupholders' best result since winning the
coveted Yellow Jacket last month, although this time in very windy conditions. A rare last place ranking went to Chris The 9-Iron
Kid, who played a generally steady round, with the exception of a couple of bad holes. 9-Iron was particularly appalling on 16,
where he hacked his way to a nine, which doesn't seem so bad, unless you watched.