| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| August 2004 |
AUGUST 1, 2004 - LAFLEUR
PAUL HORNSBY III
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
*CAT WOMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
*CAT WOMAN
50-44--- 94
51-50--- 101
50-53--- 103
55-54--- 109
70-88--- 158
51-50--- 101
50-53--- 103
55-54--- 109
70-88--- 158
It's a good thing for the LGA that the Mercier Bridge does not have toll booths, as once again our heroes travelled along that
road, this time headed to Lafleur Golf Club. The competition was close early on, with a four-way battle raging through 10 holes,
but the Hornsby Express rolled over his opponents once again during the second half. Paul Hornsby III scored a back nine 44 to
coast to a seven shot victory, his third in a row and sixth of the season, leaving him only one half of a victory behind Hale Erwin
Norman and Dr. Mario Blondin for the LGA lead. As has been seen in the past on this less than stellar circuit, Hornsby managed
the victory (and yes, another round under 100, his seventh straight) without scoring a single par. Top righthander for the day,
back in action after a brief absence, was Costa Doinbiznis. The Biz scored consecutive pars on 11 and 12 to pull to within two
shots of the winner, but finished out with nothing but double and triple bogeys, failing to score in the 90's once again. Third place
honours went to Dr. Mario Blondin, now winless since The Lefty Classic in June. Blondin also failed to make a par on the narrow
Lafleur layout, pathetically. Hale Erwin Norman was next on the ladder, just barely breaking the 110 mark. His day was best
encapsulated by his vomit-reeking 10 on the par-4 12th hole, where he chunked three balls into the lake, but he was saved the
embarrassment of finishing in last place again, thanks to the presence of that intergalactic sensation, Cat Woman. After a front
nine 70, the best in her brief career, she ballooned a little on 13 and 14, needing 30 shots to complete the two holes, but still
managed to bring down her scoring average. With another victory under his belt, Hornsby has become one of the favourites to
take the coveted Yellow Jacket in two weeks time, a victory which would perhaps, but not definitely, salvage what has been up to
now a mostly vomit-filled career.
road, this time headed to Lafleur Golf Club. The competition was close early on, with a four-way battle raging through 10 holes,
but the Hornsby Express rolled over his opponents once again during the second half. Paul Hornsby III scored a back nine 44 to
coast to a seven shot victory, his third in a row and sixth of the season, leaving him only one half of a victory behind Hale Erwin
Norman and Dr. Mario Blondin for the LGA lead. As has been seen in the past on this less than stellar circuit, Hornsby managed
the victory (and yes, another round under 100, his seventh straight) without scoring a single par. Top righthander for the day,
back in action after a brief absence, was Costa Doinbiznis. The Biz scored consecutive pars on 11 and 12 to pull to within two
shots of the winner, but finished out with nothing but double and triple bogeys, failing to score in the 90's once again. Third place
honours went to Dr. Mario Blondin, now winless since The Lefty Classic in June. Blondin also failed to make a par on the narrow
Lafleur layout, pathetically. Hale Erwin Norman was next on the ladder, just barely breaking the 110 mark. His day was best
encapsulated by his vomit-reeking 10 on the par-4 12th hole, where he chunked three balls into the lake, but he was saved the
embarrassment of finishing in last place again, thanks to the presence of that intergalactic sensation, Cat Woman. After a front
nine 70, the best in her brief career, she ballooned a little on 13 and 14, needing 30 shots to complete the two holes, but still
managed to bring down her scoring average. With another victory under his belt, Hornsby has become one of the favourites to
take the coveted Yellow Jacket in two weeks time, a victory which would perhaps, but not definitely, salvage what has been up to
now a mostly vomit-filled career.
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Photos not available
AUGUST 7, 2004 - CAUGHNAWAGA
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
38-46--- 84
42-51--- 93
47-47--- 94
53-49--- 102
42-51--- 93
47-47--- 94
53-49--- 102
With just over a week left until The Lefty Masters, the LGA staged what would probably be its last event at Caughnawaga before
the famed battle for the coveted Yellow Jacket. Righthander Fred Cupholders, returning to LGA action after playing in a series of
non-official games, scored two birdies on the first six holes, and was even par through seven on his way to a stunning front nine
38, a personal best and the first sub-40 nine in LGA action since the mid-90's. He would add a back nine 46 and coast to an
easy nine-stroke victory, finishing with a very good 84 and another career best, shattering his previous LGA mark by seven, and
leaving his lefty competition in a state of shock in the process. It was only Cupholders' second victory of the season, but the low
score enabled Fred to rise to number one rank in LGA scoring average, the first rightie ever to hold such a distinction. Runner-up
Norman, who also had a good front with a 42, was disappointing coming in, allowing Cupholders to run away with the event, but
he did hold off a charging Paul Hornsby III for second spot. Although Hornsby managed to break 100 once again, his eighth in a
row, his winning streak was stopped at three, taking the air out of the tires of the Hornsby Express. Finishing in last place with
yet another disappointing round was former champion Dr. Mario Blondin. After scoring 15 on the par-5 first hole (hurl!!!), Blondin
actually played quite well for a change, completing the round in 102 shots, which is not bad considering. In a scene reminiscent
of last year's Yellow Jacket ceremony, Cupholders was understandably radiant after the event. It was a radiance that cast a
shadow over the rest of the field, as they sat in the clubhouse, at first looking as though they were about to cry, then cheering up
noticeably as they proceeded to get shitfaced drunk.
the famed battle for the coveted Yellow Jacket. Righthander Fred Cupholders, returning to LGA action after playing in a series of
non-official games, scored two birdies on the first six holes, and was even par through seven on his way to a stunning front nine
38, a personal best and the first sub-40 nine in LGA action since the mid-90's. He would add a back nine 46 and coast to an
easy nine-stroke victory, finishing with a very good 84 and another career best, shattering his previous LGA mark by seven, and
leaving his lefty competition in a state of shock in the process. It was only Cupholders' second victory of the season, but the low
score enabled Fred to rise to number one rank in LGA scoring average, the first rightie ever to hold such a distinction. Runner-up
Norman, who also had a good front with a 42, was disappointing coming in, allowing Cupholders to run away with the event, but
he did hold off a charging Paul Hornsby III for second spot. Although Hornsby managed to break 100 once again, his eighth in a
row, his winning streak was stopped at three, taking the air out of the tires of the Hornsby Express. Finishing in last place with
yet another disappointing round was former champion Dr. Mario Blondin. After scoring 15 on the par-5 first hole (hurl!!!), Blondin
actually played quite well for a change, completing the round in 102 shots, which is not bad considering. In a scene reminiscent
of last year's Yellow Jacket ceremony, Cupholders was understandably radiant after the event. It was a radiance that cast a
shadow over the rest of the field, as they sat in the clubhouse, at first looking as though they were about to cry, then cheering up
noticeably as they proceeded to get shitfaced drunk.
Photos not available
AUGUST 10, 2004 - LAPRAIRIE
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
44-50--- 94
50-49--- 99
45-56--- 101
50-49--- 99
45-56--- 101
A small but distinguished field of three paid a visit to the refurbished Laprairie Golf Club for a rare Tuesday afternoon official
event. Straight off his career-low 84, Fred Cupholders returned to the winners' circle for a second consecutive round, going out
low once again with a 44, and appearing destined for another sub-90 round until his puke-ridden 9 on the eleventh hole, but he
nevertheless hung on easily for his third win of the season, a five shot victory over the much improved Paul Hornsby III. With the
94, Fred solidified his hold on number one rank in the LGA, and should stay there until some lefties decide to do something
about it. For runner-up Hornsby, it was his ninth straight double-digit round, tying the modern LGA mark held by Hale Erwin
Norman, but it wasn't easy. Paul's putting was so bad (39 putts), it almost denied him the accomplishment. He would end up
only a single shot under the magic century mark. Finishing in third place, two back of Hornsby, was Chris The 9-Iron Kid, in his
first appearance of the month. Chris started strongly, battling Cupholders for the lead after a 45 going out, but struggled on the
stretch of long holes beginning the back nine, falling out of contention in the process and costing him a sub-100 performance.
The win by Cupholders was only the fourth this season by righthanders, leaving our heroic northpaws in their rightful position of
superiority, despite the fact that Cupholders won the last two. But with Fred now installed as the favourite to defend his Yellow
Jacket championship of 2003, all of that could change this coming Sunday. Stay tuned.
event. Straight off his career-low 84, Fred Cupholders returned to the winners' circle for a second consecutive round, going out
low once again with a 44, and appearing destined for another sub-90 round until his puke-ridden 9 on the eleventh hole, but he
nevertheless hung on easily for his third win of the season, a five shot victory over the much improved Paul Hornsby III. With the
94, Fred solidified his hold on number one rank in the LGA, and should stay there until some lefties decide to do something
about it. For runner-up Hornsby, it was his ninth straight double-digit round, tying the modern LGA mark held by Hale Erwin
Norman, but it wasn't easy. Paul's putting was so bad (39 putts), it almost denied him the accomplishment. He would end up
only a single shot under the magic century mark. Finishing in third place, two back of Hornsby, was Chris The 9-Iron Kid, in his
first appearance of the month. Chris started strongly, battling Cupholders for the lead after a 45 going out, but struggled on the
stretch of long holes beginning the back nine, falling out of contention in the process and costing him a sub-100 performance.
The win by Cupholders was only the fourth this season by righthanders, leaving our heroic northpaws in their rightful position of
superiority, despite the fact that Cupholders won the last two. But with Fred now installed as the favourite to defend his Yellow
Jacket championship of 2003, all of that could change this coming Sunday. Stay tuned.
Photos not available
AUGUST 15, 2004 - CAUGHNAWAGA
HALE E. NORMAN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
PAUL HORNSBY III
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
*CAT WOMAN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
PAUL HORNSBY III
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
*CAT WOMAN
45-50--- 95
42-53--- 95
56-47--- 103
52-51--- 103
53-59--- 112
57-58--- 115
88-76--- 164
42-53--- 95
56-47--- 103
52-51--- 103
53-59--- 112
57-58--- 115
88-76--- 164
The long awaited fifth edition of The Lefty Masters of Golf was able to take place without incident. Despite the presence of no
security, terrorists avoided the event once again, history having proven that all participants would be destined to fall casualty to
their golf swings. This year's tournament was no exception. Defending champion and favourite Fred Cupholders got off to
another sizzling start, including a chip-in birdie on two, and headed to the seventeenth tee with a four-shot lead, poised to retain
the coveted Yellow Jacket. It was at that point, however that Cupholders declared that he could 'coast' to victory. Fred proceeded
to shank his tee shot into the trees, opening the door for 2000 champion Hale Erwin Norman to rally back for a tie. Norman let a
three foot putt for the victory miss on 18, forcing the first ever playoff in Lefty Masters history, won by Norman after Cupholders
found the water on his approach shot on the first playoff hole, as Norman raised his arms for the gallery in anticipated victory.
For Norman it was his second career Yellow Jacket victory, restoring lefty pride for the time being. For the rest of the field,
dreams were shattered early and often. Two-time champion Dr. Mario Blondin went out in a lousy 56, effectively putting him out
of contention. Even three pars on the back and a decent 47 could not repair the damage. Also finishing third, Paul Hornsby III, in
the final group for the first time ever thanks to a last minute cancellation by Chris The 9-Iron Kid, started strongly but found out of
bounds and water on the par-3 4th, ending his high hopes and his streak of sub-100 games at nine in the process. Once feared
righthander Costa Doinbiznis was next on the leaderboard. Although his front nine 53 was not very strong on its own, his back
side 59 ensured that he would have to battle to hold off a surprising Pietro Lewinsky, which he did (barely). The 'Biz' would fail to
score a par on this day. Speaking of Lewinsky, for a second consecutive Lefty Masters, Pietro outperformed himself (which isn't
saying much). He managed a season low with a 115, and more importantly scored two pars for the round, a career record. He
finished sixth by a mere 49 shots over the first ever female participant in this most cherished of tournaments, Cat Woman. She
may have also been the first ever alien to play in an LGA major, although that would be disputed by many. CW rallied back from a
front nine 88 for a 164, raising calls for an increase in standards for qualification (currently one must play in three LGA event in
the same season to qualify). Critics rightfully dismiss the idea, arguing that if standards were raised, no one presently in the
LGA would be allowed to play. At the Yellow Jacket ceremony held immediately following the event, Cupholders grudgingly
placed the hideous garment onto the shoulders of Norman, symbolizing the completion of one of the greatest chokes in major
tournament history.
security, terrorists avoided the event once again, history having proven that all participants would be destined to fall casualty to
their golf swings. This year's tournament was no exception. Defending champion and favourite Fred Cupholders got off to
another sizzling start, including a chip-in birdie on two, and headed to the seventeenth tee with a four-shot lead, poised to retain
the coveted Yellow Jacket. It was at that point, however that Cupholders declared that he could 'coast' to victory. Fred proceeded
to shank his tee shot into the trees, opening the door for 2000 champion Hale Erwin Norman to rally back for a tie. Norman let a
three foot putt for the victory miss on 18, forcing the first ever playoff in Lefty Masters history, won by Norman after Cupholders
found the water on his approach shot on the first playoff hole, as Norman raised his arms for the gallery in anticipated victory.
For Norman it was his second career Yellow Jacket victory, restoring lefty pride for the time being. For the rest of the field,
dreams were shattered early and often. Two-time champion Dr. Mario Blondin went out in a lousy 56, effectively putting him out
of contention. Even three pars on the back and a decent 47 could not repair the damage. Also finishing third, Paul Hornsby III, in
the final group for the first time ever thanks to a last minute cancellation by Chris The 9-Iron Kid, started strongly but found out of
bounds and water on the par-3 4th, ending his high hopes and his streak of sub-100 games at nine in the process. Once feared
righthander Costa Doinbiznis was next on the leaderboard. Although his front nine 53 was not very strong on its own, his back
side 59 ensured that he would have to battle to hold off a surprising Pietro Lewinsky, which he did (barely). The 'Biz' would fail to
score a par on this day. Speaking of Lewinsky, for a second consecutive Lefty Masters, Pietro outperformed himself (which isn't
saying much). He managed a season low with a 115, and more importantly scored two pars for the round, a career record. He
finished sixth by a mere 49 shots over the first ever female participant in this most cherished of tournaments, Cat Woman. She
may have also been the first ever alien to play in an LGA major, although that would be disputed by many. CW rallied back from a
front nine 88 for a 164, raising calls for an increase in standards for qualification (currently one must play in three LGA event in
the same season to qualify). Critics rightfully dismiss the idea, arguing that if standards were raised, no one presently in the
LGA would be allowed to play. At the Yellow Jacket ceremony held immediately following the event, Cupholders grudgingly
placed the hideous garment onto the shoulders of Norman, symbolizing the completion of one of the greatest chokes in major
tournament history.
Photos not available
THE LEFTY MASTERS
AUGUST 22, 2004 - LAFLEUR
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
45-48--- 93
47-51--- 98
52-53--- 105
56-57--- 113
47-51--- 98
52-53--- 105
56-57--- 113
A prestigious all-lefty field returned to Lafleur for another 'official' LGA event. After a crappy start by all, the tournament quickly
turned into a two-way race between last week's Yellow Jacket champion Hale Erwin Norman and Paul Hornsby III. Norman
proceeded to outclass Hornsby coming in, putting it away for good with his beer hole victory on 17, for his second straight victory.
Norman needed only 29 putts to complete the round, an excellent number by LGA standards. Runner-up Hornsby, in spite of his
lacklustre 51 coming in, returned to double-digits for the tenth time in his last eleven appearances, another number which looks
great in the LGA, but would be laughable in almost any other golf setting, anywhere in the universe. Grabbing third spot was
Chris The 9-Iron Kid, who continued to show his inconsistency, posting some big numbers on his way to a boring 105, capped
by his brain-twisting 9 on the par-4 12th. 9-Iron still hung on to third place rather easily, entering the clubhouse with an 8-shot
cushion over Dr. Mario Blondin, who has recently been freefalling into Suckville. With his vomit-reeking 113, the doctor extending
his streak of games over 100, having not scored in double-digits since July 25th. More alarming is the fact that eight of the
doctor's last nine rounds have been over the century mark, not a good sign for the rogue medical practitioner. With the win,
Norman is beginning to pull away in what was shaping up as a three-way battle for most tournament wins this season. Norman
now leads by two with 8.5, but it appears it will be difficult for his pursuers to catch up now, those being Dr. Mario Blondin, for
reason already stated here, and Paul Hornsby III, who apparently can only play decent golf for so long before resorting back to
the lousy play which has endured over most of his less than illustrious career.
turned into a two-way race between last week's Yellow Jacket champion Hale Erwin Norman and Paul Hornsby III. Norman
proceeded to outclass Hornsby coming in, putting it away for good with his beer hole victory on 17, for his second straight victory.
Norman needed only 29 putts to complete the round, an excellent number by LGA standards. Runner-up Hornsby, in spite of his
lacklustre 51 coming in, returned to double-digits for the tenth time in his last eleven appearances, another number which looks
great in the LGA, but would be laughable in almost any other golf setting, anywhere in the universe. Grabbing third spot was
Chris The 9-Iron Kid, who continued to show his inconsistency, posting some big numbers on his way to a boring 105, capped
by his brain-twisting 9 on the par-4 12th. 9-Iron still hung on to third place rather easily, entering the clubhouse with an 8-shot
cushion over Dr. Mario Blondin, who has recently been freefalling into Suckville. With his vomit-reeking 113, the doctor extending
his streak of games over 100, having not scored in double-digits since July 25th. More alarming is the fact that eight of the
doctor's last nine rounds have been over the century mark, not a good sign for the rogue medical practitioner. With the win,
Norman is beginning to pull away in what was shaping up as a three-way battle for most tournament wins this season. Norman
now leads by two with 8.5, but it appears it will be difficult for his pursuers to catch up now, those being Dr. Mario Blondin, for
reason already stated here, and Paul Hornsby III, who apparently can only play decent golf for so long before resorting back to
the lousy play which has endured over most of his less than illustrious career.
Photos not available