| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| May 2004 |
MAY 1, 2004 - LAFLEUR
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
HALE E. NORMAN
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
*CAT WOMAN
HALE E. NORMAN
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
*CAT WOMAN
48-46--- 94
50-45--- 95
47-49--- 96
49-51--- 100
53-54--- 107
58-69--- 127
100-100-- 200
50-45--- 95
47-49--- 96
49-51--- 100
53-54--- 107
58-69--- 127
100-100-- 200
The largest field of the season graced the narrow fairways of the Lafleur Golf Club on what was finally an ideal day for golf. In a
contest not decided until the very last putt, Costa Doinbiznis, on the strength of a string of seven straight bogeys coming in, held
on for a one shot victory over Hale Erwin Norman for his first event win of 2004. The Biz failed to score worse than double bogey
for the entire round, and was also assisted by a final hole choke by runner-up Norman, who fired a nine on the par-5 to concede
the tournament. Norman scored six pars for the day, including three in a row on 10, 11 and 12. Third place fell to Dr. Mario
Blondin. The doctor also stood atop the leaderboard for a long time, but after three front nine pars failed to add to the total on the
back and saw his lead dwindle away. Mario finished three back. In fourth was Freddie Cupholders, who scored his best round of
the year right on the century mark. Due to a miscalculation, he was unaware that his putt for 100 on the 18th green was actually
a putt for 99. Had he known, he probably would have missed it anyway. Next on the ladder was Paul Hornsby III, who had frankly
another shitty round. After being co-leader through two (I know, big deal!), he began the slow journey to 5th by day's end, thanks
to a barf-fueled short game. Regardless, his 107 would turn out to be his second best so far this year. And speaking of second
best rounds, low man on the totem pole was Pietro Lewinsky, who defaced a decent start with a stretch of 9-8-9-9 on the back
nine to record his second best game of the year in two starts. Lewinsky predicts he will shatter his personal best in events
played in '04. If he is not careful, he may shatter something else. But on the bus of futility, Lewinsky will have to take a back seat
to Cat Woman. The extraterrestrial in her third career LGA event became the first ever to reach 200 shots for a round, making her
2003 average of 176.50 look great in comparison. Interestingly, she scored the lowest possible score for someone who failed to
break 100 on both nines! Amazingly, she completed the feat in four and a half hours, which resulted in a demand for better
medical services at LGA events, a matter especially important since Dr. Blondin only carries out his medical practice at night,
and Dr. Gil Morgan will have nothing to do with these guys.
contest not decided until the very last putt, Costa Doinbiznis, on the strength of a string of seven straight bogeys coming in, held
on for a one shot victory over Hale Erwin Norman for his first event win of 2004. The Biz failed to score worse than double bogey
for the entire round, and was also assisted by a final hole choke by runner-up Norman, who fired a nine on the par-5 to concede
the tournament. Norman scored six pars for the day, including three in a row on 10, 11 and 12. Third place fell to Dr. Mario
Blondin. The doctor also stood atop the leaderboard for a long time, but after three front nine pars failed to add to the total on the
back and saw his lead dwindle away. Mario finished three back. In fourth was Freddie Cupholders, who scored his best round of
the year right on the century mark. Due to a miscalculation, he was unaware that his putt for 100 on the 18th green was actually
a putt for 99. Had he known, he probably would have missed it anyway. Next on the ladder was Paul Hornsby III, who had frankly
another shitty round. After being co-leader through two (I know, big deal!), he began the slow journey to 5th by day's end, thanks
to a barf-fueled short game. Regardless, his 107 would turn out to be his second best so far this year. And speaking of second
best rounds, low man on the totem pole was Pietro Lewinsky, who defaced a decent start with a stretch of 9-8-9-9 on the back
nine to record his second best game of the year in two starts. Lewinsky predicts he will shatter his personal best in events
played in '04. If he is not careful, he may shatter something else. But on the bus of futility, Lewinsky will have to take a back seat
to Cat Woman. The extraterrestrial in her third career LGA event became the first ever to reach 200 shots for a round, making her
2003 average of 176.50 look great in comparison. Interestingly, she scored the lowest possible score for someone who failed to
break 100 on both nines! Amazingly, she completed the feat in four and a half hours, which resulted in a demand for better
medical services at LGA events, a matter especially important since Dr. Blondin only carries out his medical practice at night,
and Dr. Gil Morgan will have nothing to do with these guys.
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Photos not available
MAY 8, 2004 - LE RIVIERA
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
51-49--- 100
47-62--- 109
51-77--- 128
47-62--- 109
51-77--- 128
The LGA crossed the mighty St. Lawrence once again, stopping at Riviera for another all-lefty event. As if we didn't have enough
proof that anything can happen in the LGA (and usually does), Dr. Mario Blondin rallied from last place through 12 holes to coast
to a nine-shot victory, his fourth of the season. The doctor drained several long putts (mostly for bogey, of course), en route to
tying an association record with only 27 putts for the day. He may be the first ever to complete 19 holes without three-putting. But
Blondin could have saved the performance for another day. Getting the win was as easy as watching his opponents. Firstly, Hale
Erwin Norman, after firing a decent front nine 47, saw his lead disappear very quickly. Hale scored 10 on the par-4 15th (hurl!!!)
and 11 on the par-4 18th (splat!!!) to balloon to a 109. But however crappy Norman's finish was, it was of championship calabre
when compared to that of Paul Hornsby III. Through 14 holes, Hornsby III trailed by a mere three shots, hanging in with the help
of a birdie on 8, his first of 2004, and some long drives, but then his balloon went up, up and away as he finished the final four
holes in 49 shots (bluh-bluwahhh!!!), capped by a vomit-reeking 18 on the final hole. Paul swing was so lost at the end, he was
compelled to declare that he would take several weeks off, but we'd have to see it to believe it. With the victory Dr. Blondin moved
back into number one rank in scoring average for 2004, surpassing Hale Norman. When asked to comment, Norman's
response was heartfelt. "That pig!"
proof that anything can happen in the LGA (and usually does), Dr. Mario Blondin rallied from last place through 12 holes to coast
to a nine-shot victory, his fourth of the season. The doctor drained several long putts (mostly for bogey, of course), en route to
tying an association record with only 27 putts for the day. He may be the first ever to complete 19 holes without three-putting. But
Blondin could have saved the performance for another day. Getting the win was as easy as watching his opponents. Firstly, Hale
Erwin Norman, after firing a decent front nine 47, saw his lead disappear very quickly. Hale scored 10 on the par-4 15th (hurl!!!)
and 11 on the par-4 18th (splat!!!) to balloon to a 109. But however crappy Norman's finish was, it was of championship calabre
when compared to that of Paul Hornsby III. Through 14 holes, Hornsby III trailed by a mere three shots, hanging in with the help
of a birdie on 8, his first of 2004, and some long drives, but then his balloon went up, up and away as he finished the final four
holes in 49 shots (bluh-bluwahhh!!!), capped by a vomit-reeking 18 on the final hole. Paul swing was so lost at the end, he was
compelled to declare that he would take several weeks off, but we'd have to see it to believe it. With the victory Dr. Blondin moved
back into number one rank in scoring average for 2004, surpassing Hale Norman. When asked to comment, Norman's
response was heartfelt. "That pig!"
Photos not available
MAY 11, 2004 - LAFLEUR
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
59-48--- 107
56-51--- 107
60-59--- 119
56-51--- 107
60-59--- 119
The LGA returned to its old stomping ground of Lafleur for a weekday afternoon special. In another topsy-turvy battle indicative of
the season so far, Paul Hornsby III, carrying a seven shot lead into the par-4 15th hole, fired a horrid 11 there to squander his
advantage, but rallied back with a par-bogey-bogey finish to tie Dr. Blondin, each earning one-half of an event victory. Hornsby
was granted a reprieve thanks in part to the doctor's miss of a two-footer on 18, a putt that was for the win. It was a difficult day all
around, as Dr. Blondin, like Hornsby needed 17 shots to complete the first two holes. Blondin also scored only one par for the
day, but made it count, winning the beer hole on the par-3 17th. In his belated season debut, Chris The 9-Iron Kid showed his
rust all day, posting three 9's and three 8's on his way to an ugly 60-59-119, his worst score in a while. 9-Iron's patented straight
and true drives were off the mark on this day, and even his apparently improved putting could not prevent him from giving a lousy
performance. Of course, once again there were no excuses for the all around garbage numbers put up by the all-lefty trio, as the
conditions were perfect and nobody was nursing a hangover, at least not a serious one.
the season so far, Paul Hornsby III, carrying a seven shot lead into the par-4 15th hole, fired a horrid 11 there to squander his
advantage, but rallied back with a par-bogey-bogey finish to tie Dr. Blondin, each earning one-half of an event victory. Hornsby
was granted a reprieve thanks in part to the doctor's miss of a two-footer on 18, a putt that was for the win. It was a difficult day all
around, as Dr. Blondin, like Hornsby needed 17 shots to complete the first two holes. Blondin also scored only one par for the
day, but made it count, winning the beer hole on the par-3 17th. In his belated season debut, Chris The 9-Iron Kid showed his
rust all day, posting three 9's and three 8's on his way to an ugly 60-59-119, his worst score in a while. 9-Iron's patented straight
and true drives were off the mark on this day, and even his apparently improved putting could not prevent him from giving a lousy
performance. Of course, once again there were no excuses for the all around garbage numbers put up by the all-lefty trio, as the
conditions were perfect and nobody was nursing a hangover, at least not a serious one.
Photos not available
MAY 16, 2004 - LAFLEUR
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
HALE E. NORMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
45-47--- 92
45-49--- 94
51-49--- 100
49-51--- 100
55-47--- 102
57-59--- 116
45-49--- 94
51-49--- 100
49-51--- 100
55-47--- 102
57-59--- 116
In what was jokingly referred to as the 'LGA Tournament of Champions' at the onset, a strong field of six past winners duked it
out at Lafleur, for another 'official' LGA event, and third visit there out of the last four. Once again another tight contest was
witnessed, with Chris The 9-Iron Kid emerging as the victor, matching the LGA low score this season with a solid 92 and a two
stroke win over runner-up Hale Erwin Norman. 9-Iron needed only 32 putts to complete the round, which was good enough to
move him into number one rank in putting this season, which you must admit, is a surprise. Norman, who was seeking only his
second win well into the month of May, was tied with Chris through 13 holes, but fired a disappointing 8 on the short par-4 14th
hole to fall behind. Even his first birdie of the year on 16 would not be good enough to grab first. The two righties in the field,
Costa Doinbiznis and Fred Cupholders, both failed to break 100 by a mere shot, finishing tied for third, right on the century mark.
For Doinbiznis, after a front nine 51 and a rancid 9 on the par-4 12th, he needed to finish with 4 pars to score a 99, and almost
did it, ending the round with par-par-par-bogey. In the case of Cupholders, the Masters champion just didn't play well enough to
break 100. Fifth place fell to Paul Hornsby III, who rallied from a front nine 55 to score 102 and equal his best this season. Still
the day was yet another letdown for 'Da Turd', who has now gone 10 rounds without scoring in double digits. Fourteen shots
behind Hornsby was Dr. Mario Blondin, who had a very off day, starting with two 10's (he would count a total of four of them
before the day would be done) and posting a 116. He also somehow managed four pars. He may have performed late night
surgery the night before, but would not comment when questioned. Chris The 9-Iron Kid gave credit for his performance to his
'new' K-22 Brand putter, which is about 30 years old, one of his most modern pieces of equipment.
out at Lafleur, for another 'official' LGA event, and third visit there out of the last four. Once again another tight contest was
witnessed, with Chris The 9-Iron Kid emerging as the victor, matching the LGA low score this season with a solid 92 and a two
stroke win over runner-up Hale Erwin Norman. 9-Iron needed only 32 putts to complete the round, which was good enough to
move him into number one rank in putting this season, which you must admit, is a surprise. Norman, who was seeking only his
second win well into the month of May, was tied with Chris through 13 holes, but fired a disappointing 8 on the short par-4 14th
hole to fall behind. Even his first birdie of the year on 16 would not be good enough to grab first. The two righties in the field,
Costa Doinbiznis and Fred Cupholders, both failed to break 100 by a mere shot, finishing tied for third, right on the century mark.
For Doinbiznis, after a front nine 51 and a rancid 9 on the par-4 12th, he needed to finish with 4 pars to score a 99, and almost
did it, ending the round with par-par-par-bogey. In the case of Cupholders, the Masters champion just didn't play well enough to
break 100. Fifth place fell to Paul Hornsby III, who rallied from a front nine 55 to score 102 and equal his best this season. Still
the day was yet another letdown for 'Da Turd', who has now gone 10 rounds without scoring in double digits. Fourteen shots
behind Hornsby was Dr. Mario Blondin, who had a very off day, starting with two 10's (he would count a total of four of them
before the day would be done) and posting a 116. He also somehow managed four pars. He may have performed late night
surgery the night before, but would not comment when questioned. Chris The 9-Iron Kid gave credit for his performance to his
'new' K-22 Brand putter, which is about 30 years old, one of his most modern pieces of equipment.
Photos not available
MAY 23, 2004 - LAFLEUR
HALE E. NORMAN
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
PAUL HORNSBY III
43-49--- 92
50-43--- 93
50-50--- 100
60-53--- 113
50-43--- 93
50-50--- 100
60-53--- 113
Due to a quirk in scheduling, Lafleur hosted the LGA for the fourth time in the last five events. Once again, the tournament would
turn into a nailbiter, with Hale Erwin Norman doing most of the chewing. Leading by seven over Dr. Mario Blondin through nine
holes after sizzling front-nine 43, Norman could only watch as Blondin caught fire, playing a five hole stretch in only 2-over par, a
sequence which included a chip-in birdie on 14. But with only one hole to play, Norman still led by three. He would, however, find
the water twice on the nightmare par-5 18th. In typical LGA fashion, his 9 was still good enough to hang on for a one-shot win.
For the doctor, it was a fine comeback from his magot-infested 116 of the previous week. Top rightie once again was Fred
Cupholders, who amazingly posted his third straight score right on the 100 mark, all at Lafleur. It seems easy to predict what
he'll shoot when the LGA returns. His game included three consecutive pars from 12 through 14, his only three for the day, of
course. Fred coasted to his third place finish by an easy 13 shots over the legendary lefty loser Paul Hornsby III. Hornsby's
season continued to reek of rotting carcasses, as he carded a front nine 60 and a 113 for the day. Hornsby did birdie 12 and
scored two pars, which makes his score even smellier. The win was only the second this season for Norman, leaving the
impression among his competitors that the 2004 LGA Player of The Year honours are still up for grabs.
turn into a nailbiter, with Hale Erwin Norman doing most of the chewing. Leading by seven over Dr. Mario Blondin through nine
holes after sizzling front-nine 43, Norman could only watch as Blondin caught fire, playing a five hole stretch in only 2-over par, a
sequence which included a chip-in birdie on 14. But with only one hole to play, Norman still led by three. He would, however, find
the water twice on the nightmare par-5 18th. In typical LGA fashion, his 9 was still good enough to hang on for a one-shot win.
For the doctor, it was a fine comeback from his magot-infested 116 of the previous week. Top rightie once again was Fred
Cupholders, who amazingly posted his third straight score right on the 100 mark, all at Lafleur. It seems easy to predict what
he'll shoot when the LGA returns. His game included three consecutive pars from 12 through 14, his only three for the day, of
course. Fred coasted to his third place finish by an easy 13 shots over the legendary lefty loser Paul Hornsby III. Hornsby's
season continued to reek of rotting carcasses, as he carded a front nine 60 and a 113 for the day. Hornsby did birdie 12 and
scored two pars, which makes his score even smellier. The win was only the second this season for Norman, leaving the
impression among his competitors that the 2004 LGA Player of The Year honours are still up for grabs.
Photos not available
MAY 30, 2004 - BELLEVUE (BELLEVUE COURSE)
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
HALE E. NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
49-47--- 96
49-49--- 98
54-55--- 109
55-54--- 109
58-55--- 113
66-55--- 121
49-49--- 98
54-55--- 109
55-54--- 109
58-55--- 113
66-55--- 121
The second annual Doculab Cup, one of the few LGA events bearing a name and not carrying 'major tournament' status, was
finally held six days after its originally scheduled but very rainy date. In what would eventually turn into a two horse race, Dr. Mario
Blondin battled Fred Cupholders to the very end, parring the beer hole 17th to take a two shot lead and hang on for another
victory. Blondin now has 5.5 event wins in 2004, first in the association. Second place Cupholders scored in the nineties for the
first time this season after three consecutive rounds at exactly 100, and, like he has done so many times already, achieved the
feat without a single par. He also counted only 32 putts for the day, a good performance on the fast and contoured greens.
Finishing in a tie for third place were veterans Hale Erwin Norman and Paul Hornsby III. Despite finishing 13 shots back, Both
Norman and Hornsby actually fell out of contention quite late in the round. For Hale, his urine-reeking 10 on the par-4 13th would
prove impossible to overcome, while Hornsby waited until 14, where he would post a barfy 11 on a hole playing only 320 yards.
Taking fifth spot was defending champion Chris The 9-Iron Kid. Entering the tournament with high hopes after a 92 in his
previous start, 9-Iron started strongly with pars on 2 and 3, but faded badly, needing 42 puts for the day en route to a 113. Last
place once again fell to rightie Pietro Lewinsky, who squandered any hopes of being competitive by taking 39 shots over the first
four holes (heave!!!). He nevertheless settled down, coming in with a 55 to finish only eight shots out of fifth. Hornsby blamed his
11 on Dr. Mario Blondin, who Paul claims shouted at him from the tee box as he was playing his second from the fairway, but
Blondin denied any wrongdoing, claiming that he simply coughed. The league is investigating.
finally held six days after its originally scheduled but very rainy date. In what would eventually turn into a two horse race, Dr. Mario
Blondin battled Fred Cupholders to the very end, parring the beer hole 17th to take a two shot lead and hang on for another
victory. Blondin now has 5.5 event wins in 2004, first in the association. Second place Cupholders scored in the nineties for the
first time this season after three consecutive rounds at exactly 100, and, like he has done so many times already, achieved the
feat without a single par. He also counted only 32 putts for the day, a good performance on the fast and contoured greens.
Finishing in a tie for third place were veterans Hale Erwin Norman and Paul Hornsby III. Despite finishing 13 shots back, Both
Norman and Hornsby actually fell out of contention quite late in the round. For Hale, his urine-reeking 10 on the par-4 13th would
prove impossible to overcome, while Hornsby waited until 14, where he would post a barfy 11 on a hole playing only 320 yards.
Taking fifth spot was defending champion Chris The 9-Iron Kid. Entering the tournament with high hopes after a 92 in his
previous start, 9-Iron started strongly with pars on 2 and 3, but faded badly, needing 42 puts for the day en route to a 113. Last
place once again fell to rightie Pietro Lewinsky, who squandered any hopes of being competitive by taking 39 shots over the first
four holes (heave!!!). He nevertheless settled down, coming in with a 55 to finish only eight shots out of fifth. Hornsby blamed his
11 on Dr. Mario Blondin, who Paul claims shouted at him from the tee box as he was playing his second from the fairway, but
Blondin denied any wrongdoing, claiming that he simply coughed. The league is investigating.
Photos not available
THE DOCULAB CUP