| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| May 2003 |
MAY 3, 2003 - BELLEVUE - WOODLANDS COURSE
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
44-50--- 94
49-50--- 99
47-53--- 100
49-50--- 99
47-53--- 100
The LGA returned to the Woodlands course at Bellevue for the first of a scheduled weekend doubleheader. Costa Doinbiznis
posted a solid front nine 44 and held off his lefty competition to grab his first event victory of 2003, and eighth of his career.
Costa's 94, despite a vomit inducing 9 on the par-5 11th hole, was the lowest score in the LGA so far this year, a full five shots
better than Dr. Mario Blondin. The doctor, after a slow start, managed to enter the clubhouse in double-digits for his second
consecutive game, mostly due to a 29 putt effort, equalling his personal lifetime best. Blondin edged out P.P. Hornsby for
second place honours by a mere shot, as P.P. failed to capitalize on a respectable 47 going out. In carding his putrid 10 on the
aforesaid par-5 11th, Hornsby has now gone three events without beating a single player so far this season. It was a banner
day indeed for 'The Biz'. After the event, the up and coming righthander was granted Honourary Lefty status by LGA officials, only
the second 'northpaw' to achieve such distinction, after Biggus Dickus, the founding LGA member now going unnoticed on the
Western Tour.
During a conference call held to congratulate Doinbiznis, fellow rightie Al Fred, commenting on the improvement in Costa's
game, declared "We're in trouble." The response by all lefthanders was unanimous, namely "Speak for yourself."
posted a solid front nine 44 and held off his lefty competition to grab his first event victory of 2003, and eighth of his career.
Costa's 94, despite a vomit inducing 9 on the par-5 11th hole, was the lowest score in the LGA so far this year, a full five shots
better than Dr. Mario Blondin. The doctor, after a slow start, managed to enter the clubhouse in double-digits for his second
consecutive game, mostly due to a 29 putt effort, equalling his personal lifetime best. Blondin edged out P.P. Hornsby for
second place honours by a mere shot, as P.P. failed to capitalize on a respectable 47 going out. In carding his putrid 10 on the
aforesaid par-5 11th, Hornsby has now gone three events without beating a single player so far this season. It was a banner
day indeed for 'The Biz'. After the event, the up and coming righthander was granted Honourary Lefty status by LGA officials, only
the second 'northpaw' to achieve such distinction, after Biggus Dickus, the founding LGA member now going unnoticed on the
Western Tour.
During a conference call held to congratulate Doinbiznis, fellow rightie Al Fred, commenting on the improvement in Costa's
game, declared "We're in trouble." The response by all lefthanders was unanimous, namely "Speak for yourself."
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MAY 4, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
*BIG MARJK
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*AL FRED
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
*PETRO LEWINSKY
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
*AL FRED
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
*PETRO LEWINSKY
45-46--- 91
48-49--- 97
43-57--- 100
51-51--- 102
53-49--- 102
54-59--- 113
56-59--- 115
57-67--- 124
48-49--- 97
43-57--- 100
51-51--- 102
53-49--- 102
54-59--- 113
56-59--- 115
57-67--- 124
In returning to The Cog for the first time this year, the LGA equalled its largest field ever for a non major tournament, numbering
eight strong. Back to wreak fear and havoc in our lefty heroes, Iceland's own rightie superstar Big Marjk survived a four-putt on
four, and overcame a four-shot deficit to take his third consecutive LGA event dating back to last year, with a solid 91, low round
on the circuit thus far for '03. Marjk entered the clubhouse six shots better than runner up Hale Erwin Norman, who was never
really in the tournament, but held it together just enough to break 100 for a second straight game. The surprise story of the day
was P.P. Hornsby (anyone suffering from heart problems should take their medication now), who counted three birdies (!!!), all
on the front nine (!!!!!), one short of his entire birdie output of last year, to shatter all LGA records for birdies in a round and in a
nine. Sandwiched around a couple of pathetic eights, Hornsby's birdie display saw him leading the event through nine with a
good 43, but then the real Hornsby returned for the second half, as P.P. would manage to balloon to 100 anyway. Tied for fourth
spot were Dr. Mario Blondin and Costa Doinbiznis, scoring 102. Dr. Mario's excuse was his inability to score more than a single
par for the day, while 'The Biz' started the day with a mucus developing 10, then on 18 would register consecutive 'air balls',
depriving him of surviving both ends of a weekend doubleheader in double digits. Costa nevertheless carded a birdie of his own
on six, his second of the young season (Need I repeat once again that in accordance with LGA rules, in the event of a tie
between a lefty and a righthander, the lefthander gets 'top billing'?). In sixth place was Al Fred, who has struggled so far this year
after an overall third ranking in 2002. Al started the round decently, but would score a feces-reeking 11 on 9, leading to his
decline. Seventh place went to Chris The 9-Iron Kid, in his first appearance of the season. 9-Iron resembled his golf clubs on
this day, being somewhat rusty, but Chris still succeeded in avoiding the cellar, a distinction which went to Petro Lewinsky
(brother of Monica), also in his season debut. Although Petro did not score any of the 'air balls' for which he is known, and he did
score his first par of the season only five holes in, he also carded a putrid 12 on the par-4 11th, high score for a single hole on
the LGA tour in 2003, which denied him a shot at a personal best. After Hornsby drained his putt for his third birdie, he pumped
his fists and generally postured for several seconds around the hole, when a voice rang out from the gallery, shouting "Get off
the green, you f@#$%ing loser!". The voice resembled that of 'Northpaw' columnist Gus Loads, long critical of the LGA for its
so-called 'discriminatory' practices against righthanders.
eight strong. Back to wreak fear and havoc in our lefty heroes, Iceland's own rightie superstar Big Marjk survived a four-putt on
four, and overcame a four-shot deficit to take his third consecutive LGA event dating back to last year, with a solid 91, low round
on the circuit thus far for '03. Marjk entered the clubhouse six shots better than runner up Hale Erwin Norman, who was never
really in the tournament, but held it together just enough to break 100 for a second straight game. The surprise story of the day
was P.P. Hornsby (anyone suffering from heart problems should take their medication now), who counted three birdies (!!!), all
on the front nine (!!!!!), one short of his entire birdie output of last year, to shatter all LGA records for birdies in a round and in a
nine. Sandwiched around a couple of pathetic eights, Hornsby's birdie display saw him leading the event through nine with a
good 43, but then the real Hornsby returned for the second half, as P.P. would manage to balloon to 100 anyway. Tied for fourth
spot were Dr. Mario Blondin and Costa Doinbiznis, scoring 102. Dr. Mario's excuse was his inability to score more than a single
par for the day, while 'The Biz' started the day with a mucus developing 10, then on 18 would register consecutive 'air balls',
depriving him of surviving both ends of a weekend doubleheader in double digits. Costa nevertheless carded a birdie of his own
on six, his second of the young season (Need I repeat once again that in accordance with LGA rules, in the event of a tie
between a lefty and a righthander, the lefthander gets 'top billing'?). In sixth place was Al Fred, who has struggled so far this year
after an overall third ranking in 2002. Al started the round decently, but would score a feces-reeking 11 on 9, leading to his
decline. Seventh place went to Chris The 9-Iron Kid, in his first appearance of the season. 9-Iron resembled his golf clubs on
this day, being somewhat rusty, but Chris still succeeded in avoiding the cellar, a distinction which went to Petro Lewinsky
(brother of Monica), also in his season debut. Although Petro did not score any of the 'air balls' for which he is known, and he did
score his first par of the season only five holes in, he also carded a putrid 12 on the par-4 11th, high score for a single hole on
the LGA tour in 2003, which denied him a shot at a personal best. After Hornsby drained his putt for his third birdie, he pumped
his fists and generally postured for several seconds around the hole, when a voice rang out from the gallery, shouting "Get off
the green, you f@#$%ing loser!". The voice resembled that of 'Northpaw' columnist Gus Loads, long critical of the LGA for its
so-called 'discriminatory' practices against righthanders.
MAY 10, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
52-48--- 100
52-50--- 102
53-50--- 103
52-50--- 102
53-50--- 103
A small but distinguished, all-lefthanded field of three paid a Saturday morning visit to The Cog. It would turn out to be the
closest contest so far of the young season, despite the all around poor quality of play. Dr. Mario Blondin drained several long
putts, including a 20-footer on 18, to squeak away with his second event victory of '03, a meager two-shot win over
arch-nemesis Hale Erwin Norman. Blondin once again failed to make a par for the day, and failed to break 100 as well, but he'll
take the win. Runner-up Norman scored only two pars himself, including one on the all-important beer hole 17th. Norman
entered the clubhouse at 102, his highest posting of the year, but was still one shot to the good compared with last place
finisher P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby missed a two-footer on 18 to throw away the second place tie, and would count 40 putts for the
day. He also failed to score a par, indicating the difficulty our lefty heroes encountered. It may have been the soggy conditions,
but more likely the results should be attributed to a general lack of talent. It was an entertaining battle, however, with all three
players tied through 12 holes. It was at that point that Dr. Blondin began his series of successful long putts that would prove to
be the 'nail'.
closest contest so far of the young season, despite the all around poor quality of play. Dr. Mario Blondin drained several long
putts, including a 20-footer on 18, to squeak away with his second event victory of '03, a meager two-shot win over
arch-nemesis Hale Erwin Norman. Blondin once again failed to make a par for the day, and failed to break 100 as well, but he'll
take the win. Runner-up Norman scored only two pars himself, including one on the all-important beer hole 17th. Norman
entered the clubhouse at 102, his highest posting of the year, but was still one shot to the good compared with last place
finisher P.P. Hornsby. Hornsby missed a two-footer on 18 to throw away the second place tie, and would count 40 putts for the
day. He also failed to score a par, indicating the difficulty our lefty heroes encountered. It may have been the soggy conditions,
but more likely the results should be attributed to a general lack of talent. It was an entertaining battle, however, with all three
players tied through 12 holes. It was at that point that Dr. Blondin began his series of successful long putts that would prove to
be the 'nail'.
MAY 17, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
45-50--- 95
47-49--- 96
50-52--- 102
55-51--- 106
47-49--- 96
50-52--- 102
55-51--- 106
The LGA staged its third straight event at Caughnawaga, this time with ideal weather, it being sunny, dry and warm. The action
on the course, however, could even be described as 'hot'. Veterans Dr. Mario Blondin and Hale Erwin Norman waged a
see-saw battle through the entire 18 holes, and appeared destined to split the event victory, until Hale missed a putt on 18,
described by himself as "less than two feet", effectively handing the win to the doctor. The 'choke' by Norman was reminiscent
of the second half of the 2002 season, when Hale routinely blew sizeable leads at the very end of several events, except this
time he blew it without going out of bounds. The win was Blondin's second consecutive and third of the young season, in spite
of his 38 putts. Completing the lefty 1-2-3 sweep was P.P. Hornsby, who continued his stretch of bland but respectable play,
failing to break 100 for a 10th straight game dating back to last year, but his 102 was good enough to hold off the only
righthander in the field, Costa Doinbiznis. 'The Biz' scored his third birdie of the year with a chip-in on 9 to tie Hornsby for the
association lead with three (who would've thought!), but, fresh from a session with his coach, pull-hooked several balls into the
trees on the par-4 third hole, resulting in a vomit-reeking 12, effectively ruining his day. Dr. Blondin refused to watch Norman on
the 18th green as he lined up the aforementioned two-footer for the tie, but he was paying attention, raising his arm in victory as
soon as he heard the swearing.
on the course, however, could even be described as 'hot'. Veterans Dr. Mario Blondin and Hale Erwin Norman waged a
see-saw battle through the entire 18 holes, and appeared destined to split the event victory, until Hale missed a putt on 18,
described by himself as "less than two feet", effectively handing the win to the doctor. The 'choke' by Norman was reminiscent
of the second half of the 2002 season, when Hale routinely blew sizeable leads at the very end of several events, except this
time he blew it without going out of bounds. The win was Blondin's second consecutive and third of the young season, in spite
of his 38 putts. Completing the lefty 1-2-3 sweep was P.P. Hornsby, who continued his stretch of bland but respectable play,
failing to break 100 for a 10th straight game dating back to last year, but his 102 was good enough to hold off the only
righthander in the field, Costa Doinbiznis. 'The Biz' scored his third birdie of the year with a chip-in on 9 to tie Hornsby for the
association lead with three (who would've thought!), but, fresh from a session with his coach, pull-hooked several balls into the
trees on the par-4 third hole, resulting in a vomit-reeking 12, effectively ruining his day. Dr. Blondin refused to watch Norman on
the 18th green as he lined up the aforementioned two-footer for the tie, but he was paying attention, raising his arm in victory as
soon as he heard the swearing.
MAY 19, 2003 - BELLEVUE - BELLEVUE COURSE
THE DOCULAB CUP
THE DOCULAB CUP
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
*AL FRED
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
ROBERT DAMRONG
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
*AL FRED
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
ROBERT DAMRONG
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
48-45--- 93
48-47--- 95
49-52--- 101
52-50--- 102
52-52--- 104
62-60--- 122
62-64--- 126
48-47--- 95
49-52--- 101
52-50--- 102
52-52--- 104
62-60--- 122
62-64--- 126
The first annual battle for the Doculab Cup took place at Bellevue on an ideal day for golf. Chris The 9-Iron Kid, in only his
second appearance of the season, surprised LGA fans as well as the field, scoring six pars on the day, a personal best, on his
way to a two shot victory over fellow lefthander Hale Erwin Norman. Chris started the day with a crappy 10 on hole number one,
but snuck his way back into contention with flawless drives throughout the round. For Norman, it was his fourth straight second
place finish after winning the season opener in April. Hanging on for third place by a single shot was P.P. Hornsby, who
managed his fourth birdie of the season on two, retaking the LGA 2003 season lead in that department in a back-and-forth
battle with Costa Doinbiznis. For a third consecutive LGA event, lefthanders finished 1-2-3. Top rightie on the day was Al Fred,
with his best performance so far this year, coming in at 102. Fred missed breaking 100 by only three shots in spite of his
crappy 41 putt performance. Fifth place went to the venerable (or is it vulnerable?) Dr. Mario Blondin, who appears to have
returned to his late night medical practice of late, posting a less than inspiring score, being too tired to take his third straight
event after a late night of emergency prescription issuance. In his regular season LGA debut, lefthander Robert Damrong,
three-time Lefty Olympics participant and member of the LGA's new 'rotating circle of extras', managed to avoid the cellar by
outlasting (for lack of a better word) Pietro Lewinsky on the back nine and take sixth place, a respectable showing for his first
appearance. Speaking of Lewinsky, his 126 was hardly newsworthy, but note that the LGA has corrected his first name to
Pietro, after Mr. Lewinsky finally produced his birth certificate to association authorities. Lewinsky did not have the usual
vomit-reeking 12 to report, but he did score an 11 on the par-4 4th, and a bunch of eights and nines for good measure. At the
press conference held after the competition, Chris The 9-Iron Kid was asked if his victory would encourage a gradual return to
LGA full-time play for the controversial lefty. His response was, I guess, philosophical. "The winds of juxtaposition are coloured
in moonlit clouds." You figure it out.
second appearance of the season, surprised LGA fans as well as the field, scoring six pars on the day, a personal best, on his
way to a two shot victory over fellow lefthander Hale Erwin Norman. Chris started the day with a crappy 10 on hole number one,
but snuck his way back into contention with flawless drives throughout the round. For Norman, it was his fourth straight second
place finish after winning the season opener in April. Hanging on for third place by a single shot was P.P. Hornsby, who
managed his fourth birdie of the season on two, retaking the LGA 2003 season lead in that department in a back-and-forth
battle with Costa Doinbiznis. For a third consecutive LGA event, lefthanders finished 1-2-3. Top rightie on the day was Al Fred,
with his best performance so far this year, coming in at 102. Fred missed breaking 100 by only three shots in spite of his
crappy 41 putt performance. Fifth place went to the venerable (or is it vulnerable?) Dr. Mario Blondin, who appears to have
returned to his late night medical practice of late, posting a less than inspiring score, being too tired to take his third straight
event after a late night of emergency prescription issuance. In his regular season LGA debut, lefthander Robert Damrong,
three-time Lefty Olympics participant and member of the LGA's new 'rotating circle of extras', managed to avoid the cellar by
outlasting (for lack of a better word) Pietro Lewinsky on the back nine and take sixth place, a respectable showing for his first
appearance. Speaking of Lewinsky, his 126 was hardly newsworthy, but note that the LGA has corrected his first name to
Pietro, after Mr. Lewinsky finally produced his birth certificate to association authorities. Lewinsky did not have the usual
vomit-reeking 12 to report, but he did score an 11 on the par-4 4th, and a bunch of eights and nines for good measure. At the
press conference held after the competition, Chris The 9-Iron Kid was asked if his victory would encourage a gradual return to
LGA full-time play for the controversial lefty. His response was, I guess, philosophical. "The winds of juxtaposition are coloured
in moonlit clouds." You figure it out.
MAY 25, 2003 - MEADOWBROOK
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
45-47--- 92
50-48--- 98
51-54--- 105
50-48--- 98
51-54--- 105
An officially minimum field of three braved a lousy weather forecast (although it actually did not rain) for the LGA's return to
Meadowbrook. Costa Doinbiznis, in his first ever appearance there, carded an impressive 45 going out to take a big lead, and
thanks in great part to his six pars for the day ran away from the field for a six stroke victory over Hale Erwin Norman, Costa's
second event win of the campaign. 'The Biz' also tied an LGA record for least putts during a round at 28, a mark held by both of
his opponents. Norman's second place showing now brings his string of consecutive runner-up finishes to five, despite
scoring under 100 in his last three. He has nevertheless proven critics wrong so far this season, particularly LGA resident
oddsmaker Pavlo "The Greek" Hornsbidakis, who predicted a fifth-place ranking for Hale in 2003. Finishing last once again
was P.P. Hornsby. His pathetic putting continued; he carded 41 for the round, and has now failed to break 100 in his last dozen
tournaments, dating back to October 2002. However, P.P. has not scored over 105 either in his last seven games, so at least
you can say that he has been consistent. "Consistently crap", Hornsby commented when this statistic was pointed out to him
by reporters after the event.
Meadowbrook. Costa Doinbiznis, in his first ever appearance there, carded an impressive 45 going out to take a big lead, and
thanks in great part to his six pars for the day ran away from the field for a six stroke victory over Hale Erwin Norman, Costa's
second event win of the campaign. 'The Biz' also tied an LGA record for least putts during a round at 28, a mark held by both of
his opponents. Norman's second place showing now brings his string of consecutive runner-up finishes to five, despite
scoring under 100 in his last three. He has nevertheless proven critics wrong so far this season, particularly LGA resident
oddsmaker Pavlo "The Greek" Hornsbidakis, who predicted a fifth-place ranking for Hale in 2003. Finishing last once again
was P.P. Hornsby. His pathetic putting continued; he carded 41 for the round, and has now failed to break 100 in his last dozen
tournaments, dating back to October 2002. However, P.P. has not scored over 105 either in his last seven games, so at least
you can say that he has been consistent. "Consistently crap", Hornsby commented when this statistic was pointed out to him
by reporters after the event.
MAY 31, 2003 - CAUGHNAWAGA
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
44-50--- 94
51-52--- 103
64-55--- 119
51-52--- 103
64-55--- 119
Caughnawaga was the venue as the LGA wrapped up the month of May with another barely official event. Hale Erwin Norman
scored two birdies on the day, one short of the all-time LGA record of three set by P.P. Hornsby back on May 4th, coasting to an
easy nine shot victory to end his streak of runner-up finishes at five. Erwin scored even par between holes five and eight, and
had his sights set on a sub-90 round until his quadruple bogey 8 on 14 eliminated any hope. Hornsby, after breaking 100
eleven times in 2002, has now gone 13 rounds without performing the feat, a fact that is becoming a source of exasperation for
P.P. He led by two after 5, but would score a magot-infested 8 on the par-3 6th after trying to be a hero instead of taking a
penalty. Last place easily belonged to Dr. Mario Blondin, who for a third consecutive weekend administered late night
emergency anaestetics, rendering him practically useless on the course. (It is suspected that the reason for his absence last
weekend was exactly this as well, although he was not seen at the hospital.) His front nine 64 was particularly embarrasing,
considering that his putting stroke was exceptionally skilled. He recovered during the back nine to break 120. Despite his effort,
lefties still managed to finish 1-2-3 for the fourth time this month.
scored two birdies on the day, one short of the all-time LGA record of three set by P.P. Hornsby back on May 4th, coasting to an
easy nine shot victory to end his streak of runner-up finishes at five. Erwin scored even par between holes five and eight, and
had his sights set on a sub-90 round until his quadruple bogey 8 on 14 eliminated any hope. Hornsby, after breaking 100
eleven times in 2002, has now gone 13 rounds without performing the feat, a fact that is becoming a source of exasperation for
P.P. He led by two after 5, but would score a magot-infested 8 on the par-3 6th after trying to be a hero instead of taking a
penalty. Last place easily belonged to Dr. Mario Blondin, who for a third consecutive weekend administered late night
emergency anaestetics, rendering him practically useless on the course. (It is suspected that the reason for his absence last
weekend was exactly this as well, although he was not seen at the hospital.) His front nine 64 was particularly embarrasing,
considering that his putting stroke was exceptionally skilled. He recovered during the back nine to break 120. Despite his effort,
lefties still managed to finish 1-2-3 for the fourth time this month.