| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| April 2004 |
APRIL 12, 2004 - BROSSARD
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
49-51--- 100
52-54--- 106
48-59--- 107
58-60--- 118
52-54--- 106
48-59--- 107
58-60--- 118
The LGA kicked off its 13th official season at Brossard, site of last year's Workman's Compensation Trophy and first instance of
a foursome all breaking 100 during a single round. So naturally, expectations were high. Unfortunately, so must have been the
golfers as uninspired results were posted across the board. Dr. Mario Blondin, back in action after a delinquent finish to the
2003 season, missed a short putt on 18 to break 100 (and win the beer hole), but nevertheless ran away with a six shot victory
over Fred Cupholders. Needless to say it was the doctor's first victory of the 2004 season. Runner-up Cupholders once again
failed to score par during the round, but accomplished the first birdie of the young LGA season on 8 with a brilliant approach to
within 3 feet. With 40 putts, it was obviously one of the few putts he made all day. Finishing in a disappointing third place by a
mere one shot was Costa Doinbiznis. The "best player in LGA history to suck" followed up a decent front nine 48 with a 59
coming in, capped by a brilliant 9 on the par-3 12th where he twice went out of bounds. His 40 putts was also a lesson in how
not to use a putter. In last place was Paul Hornsby III, pronounced "Hornsby the Turd", a brand new name but the same old
golfer, the player formerly known as P.P. Hornsby needed 26 shots to navigate the first three holes, then settled down to play
some golf that was only slightly less lousy, coming in with a 118 and already virtually assuring himself of a spot in the first group
at The Lefty Classic in June. In case you were wondering, the conditions were very good, removing any excuses anybody may
have had.
a foursome all breaking 100 during a single round. So naturally, expectations were high. Unfortunately, so must have been the
golfers as uninspired results were posted across the board. Dr. Mario Blondin, back in action after a delinquent finish to the
2003 season, missed a short putt on 18 to break 100 (and win the beer hole), but nevertheless ran away with a six shot victory
over Fred Cupholders. Needless to say it was the doctor's first victory of the 2004 season. Runner-up Cupholders once again
failed to score par during the round, but accomplished the first birdie of the young LGA season on 8 with a brilliant approach to
within 3 feet. With 40 putts, it was obviously one of the few putts he made all day. Finishing in a disappointing third place by a
mere one shot was Costa Doinbiznis. The "best player in LGA history to suck" followed up a decent front nine 48 with a 59
coming in, capped by a brilliant 9 on the par-3 12th where he twice went out of bounds. His 40 putts was also a lesson in how
not to use a putter. In last place was Paul Hornsby III, pronounced "Hornsby the Turd", a brand new name but the same old
golfer, the player formerly known as P.P. Hornsby needed 26 shots to navigate the first three holes, then settled down to play
some golf that was only slightly less lousy, coming in with a 118 and already virtually assuring himself of a spot in the first group
at The Lefty Classic in June. In case you were wondering, the conditions were very good, removing any excuses anybody may
have had.
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Photos not available
APRIL 17, 2004 - LE RIVIERA
HALE E.NORMAN
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
55-53--- 108
51-59--- 110
56-59--- 115
54-62--- 116
51-59--- 110
56-59--- 115
54-62--- 116
The LGA's first Saturday event of 2004 was, in retrospect, eventful. There was, of course, the fact that the 'event ' was official, and
with that came three hours of rain, or a weather event, and finally, with Paul Hornsby III once again blowing a lead on the last
hole, it was also a choking event, although a controversial one. In any event, Hornsby led by 3 through nine holes, and in steady
rain extended his lead to as much as five before squandering it to Hale Erwin Norman on the par-5 13th. This time was different
however, as perennial loser Hornsby drained a 15 footer for beer (par) on 14 to retake a two-shot lead which he held until 18,
when Norman forced Hornsby to play his shot after taking relief from casual water. Hornsby could not swing the club from where
his ball dropped, and requested a re-drop, which was denied by Norman. After chucking it twice into the lake, Hornsby tried to
throw his six-iron into the drink as well but the wet grip slipped and he missed. It was 2003 Player of The Year Norman's first win
of the year in as many tries. Miraculously hanging on to third position was a medicated Dr. Mario Blondin, who despite a difficult
115 remained one shot better than top rightie Costa Doinbiznis, who, in his own words, was "crap-tacular" on the greens,
amassing 39 putts, many of them from close range. Norman was pleased with the victory although not his score, while Hornsby
was still fuming after the event. "Norman was a shitface today", Hornsby blurted, but did concede that Norman's ruling was
"probably within the rules".
with that came three hours of rain, or a weather event, and finally, with Paul Hornsby III once again blowing a lead on the last
hole, it was also a choking event, although a controversial one. In any event, Hornsby led by 3 through nine holes, and in steady
rain extended his lead to as much as five before squandering it to Hale Erwin Norman on the par-5 13th. This time was different
however, as perennial loser Hornsby drained a 15 footer for beer (par) on 14 to retake a two-shot lead which he held until 18,
when Norman forced Hornsby to play his shot after taking relief from casual water. Hornsby could not swing the club from where
his ball dropped, and requested a re-drop, which was denied by Norman. After chucking it twice into the lake, Hornsby tried to
throw his six-iron into the drink as well but the wet grip slipped and he missed. It was 2003 Player of The Year Norman's first win
of the year in as many tries. Miraculously hanging on to third position was a medicated Dr. Mario Blondin, who despite a difficult
115 remained one shot better than top rightie Costa Doinbiznis, who, in his own words, was "crap-tacular" on the greens,
amassing 39 putts, many of them from close range. Norman was pleased with the victory although not his score, while Hornsby
was still fuming after the event. "Norman was a shitface today", Hornsby blurted, but did concede that Norman's ruling was
"probably within the rules".
APRIL 18, 2004 - BROSSARD
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
PAUL HORNSBY III
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
*FRED CUPHOLDERS
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
44-48--- 92
56-53--- 109
57-53--- 110
54-56--- 110
56-53--- 109
57-53--- 110
54-56--- 110
For the second time in seven days, the LGA visited Brossard, this time to complete the first doubleheader weekend of the young
campaign. Dr. Mario Blondin, in far superior form compared to the previous day, scored his first birdie of the year on the par-4
5th, en route to the LGA's first double-digit score of the year, a horrendous three events into the season. Blondin needed only 29
putts to complete his 92, which was an incredible 17 shots better than runner-up Paul Hornsby III. Despite the lousy 109, it was
Paul's finest round of the season, capped by a beer hole victory on 18, his second straight. Hornsby shared the beer hole victory
with Fred Cupholders. Tied for last place dishonours were the two righties in the field, the aforesaid Cupholders and Costa
Doinbiznis. For Cupholders, a potentially good round was ruined by the fact he needed 26 shots to complete the first three
holes, while Doinbiznis displayed more vomit-reeking putting, missing several once again from only a few feet. In amassing his
second win of 2004, the two-time Yellow Jacket champion Blondin showed just how well he can play when not recovering from
anaesthetics, the doctor having a habit of sharing some with his patients when performing late night surgery. "I felt great",
Blondin said to reporters after the event, "but I should be off to the hospital just about now."
campaign. Dr. Mario Blondin, in far superior form compared to the previous day, scored his first birdie of the year on the par-4
5th, en route to the LGA's first double-digit score of the year, a horrendous three events into the season. Blondin needed only 29
putts to complete his 92, which was an incredible 17 shots better than runner-up Paul Hornsby III. Despite the lousy 109, it was
Paul's finest round of the season, capped by a beer hole victory on 18, his second straight. Hornsby shared the beer hole victory
with Fred Cupholders. Tied for last place dishonours were the two righties in the field, the aforesaid Cupholders and Costa
Doinbiznis. For Cupholders, a potentially good round was ruined by the fact he needed 26 shots to complete the first three
holes, while Doinbiznis displayed more vomit-reeking putting, missing several once again from only a few feet. In amassing his
second win of 2004, the two-time Yellow Jacket champion Blondin showed just how well he can play when not recovering from
anaesthetics, the doctor having a habit of sharing some with his patients when performing late night surgery. "I felt great",
Blondin said to reporters after the event, "but I should be off to the hospital just about now."
Photos not available
APRIL 24, 2004 - LAPRAIRIE
PAUL HORNSBY III
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*PIETRO LEWINSKY
48-54--- 102
47-61--- 108
55-65--- 120
47-61--- 108
55-65--- 120
A barely official but very brave field of three graced a redesigned Laprairie Golf Club for yet another LGA event on a sunny but cold
day with howling winds. Bucking the odds, Paul Hornsby III played inspired golf all day, hitting monster drives (by his pathetic
standards) on almost every hole on his way to a respectable 102, considering the conditions. Hornsby achieved this in spite of
his feces-inspired 12 on the par-5 11th, a hole during which himself and runner-up and morning favourite Dr. Mario Blondin
found the water three times off the tee. For the record, Dr. Blondin fired a 14 on the same hole. Speaking of the doctor, Mario
actually had the lead at the turn, but the just mentioned 14 on 11, coupled with a barfy 9 on the par-4 13th, made it a cakewalk for
Hornsby, who won by six. Finishing third in his LGA season debut, was Pietro Lewinsky. Pietro also had a decent day (by his
even more pathetic standards, with apologies to Monica, his sister), actually being tied for the lead at one point, even though it
was only after one hole. Lewinsky's disappointing 5-putt 8 on the par-3 8th finally put him out of contention, but he did have the
dubious honour of playing first on the 12th tee after scoring a 10 on that same par-5 11th. The threesome played that hole in a
total of 36 shots, another indicator as to why more LGA events are not televised. Originally scheduled to participate was Hale
Erwin Norman, who cancelled due to the strong winds and cold temperature, fearful that his average would go up even higher.
day with howling winds. Bucking the odds, Paul Hornsby III played inspired golf all day, hitting monster drives (by his pathetic
standards) on almost every hole on his way to a respectable 102, considering the conditions. Hornsby achieved this in spite of
his feces-inspired 12 on the par-5 11th, a hole during which himself and runner-up and morning favourite Dr. Mario Blondin
found the water three times off the tee. For the record, Dr. Blondin fired a 14 on the same hole. Speaking of the doctor, Mario
actually had the lead at the turn, but the just mentioned 14 on 11, coupled with a barfy 9 on the par-4 13th, made it a cakewalk for
Hornsby, who won by six. Finishing third in his LGA season debut, was Pietro Lewinsky. Pietro also had a decent day (by his
even more pathetic standards, with apologies to Monica, his sister), actually being tied for the lead at one point, even though it
was only after one hole. Lewinsky's disappointing 5-putt 8 on the par-3 8th finally put him out of contention, but he did have the
dubious honour of playing first on the 12th tee after scoring a 10 on that same par-5 11th. The threesome played that hole in a
total of 36 shots, another indicator as to why more LGA events are not televised. Originally scheduled to participate was Hale
Erwin Norman, who cancelled due to the strong winds and cold temperature, fearful that his average would go up even higher.
Photos not available
APRIL 29, 2004 - CAUGHNAWAGA
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
PAUL HORNSBY III
55-56--- 111
51-64--- 115
54-68--- 122
51-64--- 115
54-68--- 122
The LGA picked an interesting day to kick off its weekday schedule for 2004. Although the weather was quite warm, winds
gusting to 70 km/h wreaked havoc with the golfers shots as well as their nerves, realties reflected in the scores posted. In a
game that nobody seemed to want to win, Dr. Mario Blondin picked up his third victory of the young season, coming back from a
six-shot deficit late in the round to take the prize by four. The doctor was aided in great part by runner up Costa Doinbiznis, who
scored 4 consecutive triple bogeys on the back nine, followed by a 12 on the par-4 15th. Costa would complete the back nine in
a whopping 64 shots. But he was not the only victim of the vicious winds and the bald parking lot type greens. Last place finisher
Paul Hornsby III, very much in contention after scoring par on number 10, followed up with consecutive 11's (hurl!!!) on the par-4
11th and 12th holes, and added another 11 on 18 for good measure to complete the back nine with a 68, even worse than The
Biz. With the absence of fair weather golfers Hale Erwin Norman and Fred Cupholders, the conditions sparked a minor
controversy, as righthanded lobbyist and agent of Costa Doinbiznis, Gus Loads, proposed that next year the LGA change its
ranking system so that the player with most victories receives the highest rank. Unfortunately, the idea is probably too good to
penetrate through the deadwood bureaucracy which is the Lefty Golfers Association.
gusting to 70 km/h wreaked havoc with the golfers shots as well as their nerves, realties reflected in the scores posted. In a
game that nobody seemed to want to win, Dr. Mario Blondin picked up his third victory of the young season, coming back from a
six-shot deficit late in the round to take the prize by four. The doctor was aided in great part by runner up Costa Doinbiznis, who
scored 4 consecutive triple bogeys on the back nine, followed by a 12 on the par-4 15th. Costa would complete the back nine in
a whopping 64 shots. But he was not the only victim of the vicious winds and the bald parking lot type greens. Last place finisher
Paul Hornsby III, very much in contention after scoring par on number 10, followed up with consecutive 11's (hurl!!!) on the par-4
11th and 12th holes, and added another 11 on 18 for good measure to complete the back nine with a 68, even worse than The
Biz. With the absence of fair weather golfers Hale Erwin Norman and Fred Cupholders, the conditions sparked a minor
controversy, as righthanded lobbyist and agent of Costa Doinbiznis, Gus Loads, proposed that next year the LGA change its
ranking system so that the player with most victories receives the highest rank. Unfortunately, the idea is probably too good to
penetrate through the deadwood bureaucracy which is the Lefty Golfers Association.
Photos not available