| The Month in Review |
| A monthly feature recapping all Lefty Golfers Association events |
| April 2002 |
APRIL 7, 2002 - LAPRAIRIE
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
50-52--- 102
49-53--- 102
58-48--- 106
49-53--- 102
58-48--- 106
After a month of snowstorms and cold weather, the 2002 LGA Tour continued its 10th anniversary season returning to Laprairie
for the first time since 1992. P.P. Hornsby, looking for his first win since '96, rode a hot putter (31 putts for the day) to a three shot
lead over Dr. Mario Blondin through 17 holes, only to let yet another sure victory get away with a sloppy triple-bogey on 18 and
winding up tied for first with the doctor. Blondin scored par on two of the last three holes to complete the comeback, but fell short
of scoring in double-digits for the first time this year. Costa Doinbiznis, after carding a pukey front-nine 58, scored two pars on
the back to come in with a solid 48, but his rally was too little, too late. He nevertheless wound up only four shots back. This
latest version of the Hornsby choke was particularly laced with phlegm as his opponents declared him winner during the walk to
the 18th tee, an obviously psychological ploy which seems to work every time with P.P. Controversy arose after the game when
Dr. Blondin refused to participate in a playoff to determine the winner, once again raising the issue of whether our distinguished
leader, Mr. Paul Hornsby, is fit for the presidency. This most recent episode of anarchy within the organization will be officially
recorded as a half victory each for the co-leaders, but there will be a review and possible reversal of this decision. A source
close to President Hornsby (no relation) has indicated that Dr. Blondin may have forfeited the victory by refusing to follow official
LGA tie-breaking procedures.
for the first time since 1992. P.P. Hornsby, looking for his first win since '96, rode a hot putter (31 putts for the day) to a three shot
lead over Dr. Mario Blondin through 17 holes, only to let yet another sure victory get away with a sloppy triple-bogey on 18 and
winding up tied for first with the doctor. Blondin scored par on two of the last three holes to complete the comeback, but fell short
of scoring in double-digits for the first time this year. Costa Doinbiznis, after carding a pukey front-nine 58, scored two pars on
the back to come in with a solid 48, but his rally was too little, too late. He nevertheless wound up only four shots back. This
latest version of the Hornsby choke was particularly laced with phlegm as his opponents declared him winner during the walk to
the 18th tee, an obviously psychological ploy which seems to work every time with P.P. Controversy arose after the game when
Dr. Blondin refused to participate in a playoff to determine the winner, once again raising the issue of whether our distinguished
leader, Mr. Paul Hornsby, is fit for the presidency. This most recent episode of anarchy within the organization will be officially
recorded as a half victory each for the co-leaders, but there will be a review and possible reversal of this decision. A source
close to President Hornsby (no relation) has indicated that Dr. Blondin may have forfeited the victory by refusing to follow official
LGA tie-breaking procedures.
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APRIL 12, 2002 - LAPRAIRIE
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
P.P. HORNSBY
*AL FRED
CHRIS 9-IRON KID
P.P. HORNSBY
*AL FRED
46-50--- 96
51-53--- 104
51-53--- 104
57-60--- 117
51-53--- 104
51-53--- 104
57-60--- 117
The LGA began its first tripleheader weekend of the campaign with a second straight visit to windy Laprairie. Dr. Mario Blondin,
running on no sleep for almost 36 hours after another session of issuing emergency prescriptions, took charge anyway with a
front-nine 46 and never looked back. Mario coasted to an easy 8 shot victory over both P.P. Hornsby and Chris The 9-Iron Kid to
remain undefeated for 2002. 9-Iron, in his season debut, battled fellow lefty Hornsby throughout, but neither seemed inspired
enough to walk away with exclusive second place honours. They carded identical 51-53's. Hornsby, playing in his first event
since last Sunday's choke, hit his woods and irons better than ever, but the magic of his new putter mysteriously disappeared
for the day, while 9-Iron, after opening with par-bogey, decided he would display the crappier aspects of his game, particularly
on the greens. Sucking bottom was sophomore rightie Al Fred, also in his season debut, who despite losing more than 10
shots to Laprairie's very difficult sand traps, still managed a respectable 117, thanks in great part to his par on 17, his first
career beer hole victory. Dr. Blondin did not attend the post-game press conference. As usual, neither did any reporters.
running on no sleep for almost 36 hours after another session of issuing emergency prescriptions, took charge anyway with a
front-nine 46 and never looked back. Mario coasted to an easy 8 shot victory over both P.P. Hornsby and Chris The 9-Iron Kid to
remain undefeated for 2002. 9-Iron, in his season debut, battled fellow lefty Hornsby throughout, but neither seemed inspired
enough to walk away with exclusive second place honours. They carded identical 51-53's. Hornsby, playing in his first event
since last Sunday's choke, hit his woods and irons better than ever, but the magic of his new putter mysteriously disappeared
for the day, while 9-Iron, after opening with par-bogey, decided he would display the crappier aspects of his game, particularly
on the greens. Sucking bottom was sophomore rightie Al Fred, also in his season debut, who despite losing more than 10
shots to Laprairie's very difficult sand traps, still managed a respectable 117, thanks in great part to his par on 17, his first
career beer hole victory. Dr. Blondin did not attend the post-game press conference. As usual, neither did any reporters.
APRIL 13, 2002 - LE RIVIERA
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
HALE E. NORMAN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
HALE E. NORMAN
52-55--- 107
54-55--- 109
57-54--- 111
63-61--- 124
54-55--- 109
57-54--- 111
63-61--- 124
LGA fans everywhere who though they had seen it all in 2001 had better be prepared for what promises to be an even wilder '02.
This cloudy Saturday found our heroes at Le Riviera for the first time, where Dr. Mario Blondin kept his undefeated status for the
season, holding off a charging Costa Doinbiznis all the way en route to a disapointing 107 but a win nevertheless. The doctor
complemented 2 pars on the back nine with a sucky 12 on the par-5 16th. Doinbiznis, who has been contending more
frequently lately to the chagrin of lefthanders all over the world, gave it a good run, but the narrow course layout and tricky greens
prevented 'The Biz' from taking his first win of the year. P.P. Hornsby also continued showing improved form with his long game,
posting four pars on the day, but his four quadruple bogeys would be enough damage to leave him four shots back at the end.
The story of the day and of the year, however, was the 2002 debut of the legendary Hale Erwin Norman, who cracked his first two
shots of the season out of bounds (he scored a magot-reeking 13 on hole number one), and from there continued
stomach-emptying play throughout, mercifully ending the round with a career-high 124, finishing last in an LGA event for the first
time ever. The few spectators who attended were spotted holding back vomit as they watched Hale, especially on the par-5's
where he scored in double-digits on three of the four holes. Even arch nemesis Dr. Mario Blondin had sympathetic words for
Norman after the round, unlike during the summer of 2000, when after a bad round by Norman, the doctor was quick to
pronounce him washed up, only to watch him win the coveted Yellow Jacket a week later.
This cloudy Saturday found our heroes at Le Riviera for the first time, where Dr. Mario Blondin kept his undefeated status for the
season, holding off a charging Costa Doinbiznis all the way en route to a disapointing 107 but a win nevertheless. The doctor
complemented 2 pars on the back nine with a sucky 12 on the par-5 16th. Doinbiznis, who has been contending more
frequently lately to the chagrin of lefthanders all over the world, gave it a good run, but the narrow course layout and tricky greens
prevented 'The Biz' from taking his first win of the year. P.P. Hornsby also continued showing improved form with his long game,
posting four pars on the day, but his four quadruple bogeys would be enough damage to leave him four shots back at the end.
The story of the day and of the year, however, was the 2002 debut of the legendary Hale Erwin Norman, who cracked his first two
shots of the season out of bounds (he scored a magot-reeking 13 on hole number one), and from there continued
stomach-emptying play throughout, mercifully ending the round with a career-high 124, finishing last in an LGA event for the first
time ever. The few spectators who attended were spotted holding back vomit as they watched Hale, especially on the par-5's
where he scored in double-digits on three of the four holes. Even arch nemesis Dr. Mario Blondin had sympathetic words for
Norman after the round, unlike during the summer of 2000, when after a bad round by Norman, the doctor was quick to
pronounce him washed up, only to watch him win the coveted Yellow Jacket a week later.
APRIL 14, 2002 - CAUGHNAWAGA
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
49-56--- 105
54-52--- 106
54-53--- 107
54-52--- 106
54-53--- 107
The Lefty Golfers Association completed an incredible tripleheader weekend with its first visit to The Cog of the season, and
another surprising result. Rightie Costa Doinbiznis, establishing himself as the premier 'Northpaw' of the LGA, a title long
unfilled since the departure of Biggus Dickus, shot a solid front-nine 49, and after building a lead of as much as seven strokes,
hung on for his second career win in what turned out to be one of the tightest events in memory. Playing only irons and
effectively taking his slice out of play, Costa held his own and watched as his lefty opponents made critical mistakes, including a
bacteria--infesting 10 by Dr. Mario Blondin on the par-4 12th , and a mucus-producing 9 by P.P. Hornsby on three, but on 18 the
nerves began to overtake Doinbiznis. He played an ugly 9, but still managed to squeak out a one-shot victory over P.P. Hornsby.
Dr. Mario Blondin, struggling with his usually reliable iron play, finished last in an LGA event for the first time since his rookie
year, ironically the day after Hale Erwin Norman finished last for the first time ever. A tired Hornsby continued to play steady golf,
and took his first victory over Blondin since '98 by draining a 15 footer on 18 for bogey, and dropping his scoring average below
110 for the first time in his less than illustrious career. "Today's result shows that there will soon be a changing of the guard in
the LGA.", rightie lobbyist Gus Loads was heard stuttering over a beer in the clubhouse after the game. If these kind of results
continue to materialize, he may be right.
another surprising result. Rightie Costa Doinbiznis, establishing himself as the premier 'Northpaw' of the LGA, a title long
unfilled since the departure of Biggus Dickus, shot a solid front-nine 49, and after building a lead of as much as seven strokes,
hung on for his second career win in what turned out to be one of the tightest events in memory. Playing only irons and
effectively taking his slice out of play, Costa held his own and watched as his lefty opponents made critical mistakes, including a
bacteria--infesting 10 by Dr. Mario Blondin on the par-4 12th , and a mucus-producing 9 by P.P. Hornsby on three, but on 18 the
nerves began to overtake Doinbiznis. He played an ugly 9, but still managed to squeak out a one-shot victory over P.P. Hornsby.
Dr. Mario Blondin, struggling with his usually reliable iron play, finished last in an LGA event for the first time since his rookie
year, ironically the day after Hale Erwin Norman finished last for the first time ever. A tired Hornsby continued to play steady golf,
and took his first victory over Blondin since '98 by draining a 15 footer on 18 for bogey, and dropping his scoring average below
110 for the first time in his less than illustrious career. "Today's result shows that there will soon be a changing of the guard in
the LGA.", rightie lobbyist Gus Loads was heard stuttering over a beer in the clubhouse after the game. If these kind of results
continue to materialize, he may be right.
APRIL 20, 2002 - LE RIVIERA
HALE E. NORMAN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
51-48--- 99
51-51--- 102
53-55--- 108
65-53--- 118
51-51--- 102
53-55--- 108
65-53--- 118
Our heroes returned to Le Riviera for a second straight Saturday morning amidst considerable anticipation after the surprising
results of last weekend. Hale Erwin Norman, coming off his worst round since joining the LGA in 1992, scored five pars on the
day, four of them being consecutive from holes 10 through 13, and tied an all-time LGA mark with only 28 putts for the round,
enabling him to break 100 for the first time this season and take his first event by three shots over veteran loser P.P. Hornsby,
who has been newly christened, together with rightie Costa Doinbiznis, as one of the 'hounds' out to upset the long-standing
one-two rankings of Hale Norman and Dr. Mario Blondin. Hornsby, who once again showed massively improved ball-striking
ability, stayed close to Norman despite Hale's sizzling stretch of pars, but P.P.'s muffed drives on 13 and 16 sealed the deal.
Hornsby nevertheless moved into 3rd rank overall in the LGA for 2002. Blondin finished behind Hornsby for the second straight
round, a first since Mario's rookie year in 1995. Mario putted a season-high 39 times and struggled with his iron play, failing to
break 100 for his third straight game. Costa Doinbiznis, attempting to become the first righthander to take consecutive LGA
events, found every hazard imaginable, posting a puke-textured 65 on the front, but rallied with a 53 on the back, including par on
the beer hole 14th to salvage some respectability. At the press conference held after the game, Hale Erwin Norman simply said
"Back to normal", while Hornsby's remarks were more specific. "Today was just a small part in my master plan to win the Yellow
Jacket." Blondin and Doinbiznis did not attend the conference. Rumour has it they played another practice nine instead.
results of last weekend. Hale Erwin Norman, coming off his worst round since joining the LGA in 1992, scored five pars on the
day, four of them being consecutive from holes 10 through 13, and tied an all-time LGA mark with only 28 putts for the round,
enabling him to break 100 for the first time this season and take his first event by three shots over veteran loser P.P. Hornsby,
who has been newly christened, together with rightie Costa Doinbiznis, as one of the 'hounds' out to upset the long-standing
one-two rankings of Hale Norman and Dr. Mario Blondin. Hornsby, who once again showed massively improved ball-striking
ability, stayed close to Norman despite Hale's sizzling stretch of pars, but P.P.'s muffed drives on 13 and 16 sealed the deal.
Hornsby nevertheless moved into 3rd rank overall in the LGA for 2002. Blondin finished behind Hornsby for the second straight
round, a first since Mario's rookie year in 1995. Mario putted a season-high 39 times and struggled with his iron play, failing to
break 100 for his third straight game. Costa Doinbiznis, attempting to become the first righthander to take consecutive LGA
events, found every hazard imaginable, posting a puke-textured 65 on the front, but rallied with a 53 on the back, including par on
the beer hole 14th to salvage some respectability. At the press conference held after the game, Hale Erwin Norman simply said
"Back to normal", while Hornsby's remarks were more specific. "Today was just a small part in my master plan to win the Yellow
Jacket." Blondin and Doinbiznis did not attend the conference. Rumour has it they played another practice nine instead.
APRIL 27, 2002 - BELLEVUE - WOODLANDS COURSE
*COSTA DOINBIZNIS
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
DR. MARIO BLONDIN
P.P. HORNSBY
52-53--- 105
50-59--- 109
53-57--- 110
50-59--- 109
53-57--- 110
The LGA made its first visit of the season to the Woodlands Course at Bellevue with a diminished field of three, thanks to Chris
The 9-Iron Kid's last minute withdrawal from the event. Costa Doinbiznis, the rightie in the tandem of 'hounds' out to upset the
league, scored the Association's first birdie of the year (finally!) with a chip-in on the par-3 6th, and held off a not-so-charging Dr.
Mario Blondin and an even less charging P.P. Hornsby to take his second LGA event of the last three by four shots, and in the
process move into second place in tour victories for 2002. Costa registered only 32 putts for the day, by far his best this year.
Blondin, looking to break 100 for the first time in 4 rounds, scored 50 on the front, but his magot-inspiring 31 shots from holes
10 through 13 demolished any hope of scoring in double-digits on this cool and windy day. Dr. Blondin's handicap has risen by
over three shots this month. Hornsby also stayed in contention through most of the round, despite 42 putts, including two
four-putts, but his two (count 'em, two) double hits around the greens at 12 and 14 proved too costly, rendering his first event win
since 1996 unattainable for the day. It was P.P.'s first and second double hits of 2002 after patenting the shot over the last
couple of seasons. Lefty pride was indeed injured somewhat, although the vanquished were reluctant to give credit to the up
and coming rightie. 2001 Lefty Masters champion Blondin's tone was philosophical after the round. "Why is my game so shit?",
he pondered out loud, forgetting that children may have been within earshot, but then again, Dr. Blondin's bedside manner has
been questioned in the past. Blondin should take some solace in the fact that he finished ahead of Hornsby this time, an
important matter after last week's Loser Incident, when Hornsby made regrettable remarks towards Blondin, remarks he has yet
to retract. For those who are still unaware, Hornsby called Blondin a 'loser', causing the doctor to go to the range and hit three
buckets.
The 9-Iron Kid's last minute withdrawal from the event. Costa Doinbiznis, the rightie in the tandem of 'hounds' out to upset the
league, scored the Association's first birdie of the year (finally!) with a chip-in on the par-3 6th, and held off a not-so-charging Dr.
Mario Blondin and an even less charging P.P. Hornsby to take his second LGA event of the last three by four shots, and in the
process move into second place in tour victories for 2002. Costa registered only 32 putts for the day, by far his best this year.
Blondin, looking to break 100 for the first time in 4 rounds, scored 50 on the front, but his magot-inspiring 31 shots from holes
10 through 13 demolished any hope of scoring in double-digits on this cool and windy day. Dr. Blondin's handicap has risen by
over three shots this month. Hornsby also stayed in contention through most of the round, despite 42 putts, including two
four-putts, but his two (count 'em, two) double hits around the greens at 12 and 14 proved too costly, rendering his first event win
since 1996 unattainable for the day. It was P.P.'s first and second double hits of 2002 after patenting the shot over the last
couple of seasons. Lefty pride was indeed injured somewhat, although the vanquished were reluctant to give credit to the up
and coming rightie. 2001 Lefty Masters champion Blondin's tone was philosophical after the round. "Why is my game so shit?",
he pondered out loud, forgetting that children may have been within earshot, but then again, Dr. Blondin's bedside manner has
been questioned in the past. Blondin should take some solace in the fact that he finished ahead of Hornsby this time, an
important matter after last week's Loser Incident, when Hornsby made regrettable remarks towards Blondin, remarks he has yet
to retract. For those who are still unaware, Hornsby called Blondin a 'loser', causing the doctor to go to the range and hit three
buckets.